And he fucking sucked at it.

When a reader wrote him about her husband having an affair with another woman in their neighborhood, King told her to take up stalking: "In the meantime, since the other person is so near you might study her and see what she does for your husband that you might not be doing." King also helpfully noted that the woman herself was probably to blame, outlining all the ways in which she might be disappointing her unfaithful partner: "Do you spend too much time with the children and the house and not pay attention to him? Are you careful with your grooming? Do you nag? Do you make him feel important ... like somebody? This process of introspection might help you to hit upon the things that are responsible for your husband's other affair." That's right, ladies! If your husband cheats on you, the "I have a dream" guy says it's because you spend too much time tending to your children.

MLK's savagery was not reserved solely for victims of adultery: One particularly crushed woman wrote him about a car accident which had killed her young child and hospitalized her husband with serious injuries. "I worry and I am lonely and I have fears," she wrote. "Please help me." King sensitively responded:

"You are probably lonely and in fear today because you have not succeeded in getting the tragedy which befell your family out of your mind. Lonesomeness and fearfulness almost always stem from an over absorption in self. When one thinks only about his problems and misfortunes he cannot help living in fear and worry. First, you must rise above your misfortune enough to see that it is not so bad that it couldn't be worse. Second, you must find proper avenues of escape from self pity. Cultivate a love for great music. Give yourself to some purpose or cause beyond yourself. Develop a genuine love for your life's work. Cultivate genuine and abiding friendships. And above all develop regular habits of religious worship. Many people who have been burdened down by the problems of life have found great resources of power in prayer and worship. These are just a few things that can help you transcend your worries and fears."

That was one of history's most revered human rights champions ... telling a woman who just lost her child that she needs to suck it up and get over herself.

That's ... actually pretty cool, but it doesn't really seem to fit in with the theme of this article, does it? Well, while Franklin made it clear that he thought black people were "cool now," he wasn't exactly a bastion of progressivism:

"[W]hy should the Palatine Boors be suffered to swarm into our Settlements, and by herding together establish their Language and Manners to the Exclusion of ours? Why should Pennsylvania, founded by the English, become a Colony of Aliens, who will shortly be so numerous as to Germanize us instead of our Anglifying them, and will never adopt our Language or Customs, any more than they can acquire our Complexion."

That's Founding Father Ben "Jammin'" Franklin complaining about immigrants, whom he assumes want nothing more than to replace everything we hold dear with their strange languages and customs. The subjects of his ire might have been German immigrants instead of whomever modern racists are most terrified of this week, but the train of thought was the same:

"Which leads me to add one Remark: That the Number of purely white People in the World is proportionably very small. All Africa is black or tawny. Asia chiefly tawny. America (exclusive of the new Comers) wholly so. And in Europe, the Spaniards, Italians, French, Russians and Swedes, are generally of what we call a swarthy Complexion; as are the Germans also, the Saxons only excepted, who with the English, make the principal Body of White People on the Face of the Earth."

He's so mad at these immigrants that he subtracts freaking Germans and Swedes from the whiteboard. Not that we're fighting with Benjamin "Poor Richard's Almanack" Franklin about science stuff, but when you claim that the two whitest cultures in the history of the whitest continent don't count as white because you really don't like them, you might want to rethink your logic.

Having painted this worrying canvas of hip-hop gangstas out to steal your precious Miata, what are good white people to do? Glad you asked: straight-up murder some kids and then cover it up! "More and more Americans are carrying a gun in the car. An ex-cop I know advises that if you have to use a gun on a youth, you should leave the scene immediately, disposing of the wiped off gun as soon as possible. Such a gun cannot, of course, be registered to you, but one bought privately (through the classifieds, for example.)"

That is not an isolated brain fart. In 1990: "A mob of black demonstrators, led by the 'Rev.' Al Sharpton, occupied and closed the Statue of Liberty recently, demanding that New York be renamed Martin Luther King City 'to reclaim it for our people.' Hmmm. I hate to agree with the Rev. Al, but maybe a name change is in order. Welfaria? Zooville? Rapetown? Dirtburg? Lazyopolis? But Al, the Statue of Liberty? Next time, hold that demonstration at a food stamp bureau or a crack house."

Wow. Say what you will about Donald Trump, but at least he has yet to utter the term "Rapetown" in an official context. [Editors Note: Check the news and replace this joke if Trump says "Rapetown" before the article goes live.]

Oh, but Paul (or his authorized clones) didn't keep it only to racist ranting. Occasionally he spiced things up with a dash of homophobia. In the Ron Paul Survival Report from September, 1994: "Those who don't commit sodomy, who don't get a blood transfusion, and who don't swap needles, are virtually assured of not getting AIDS unless they are deliberately infected by a malicious gay."

And then there's the straight-up conspiracy theories, so paranoid even Alex Jones would do a double take: "I've been told not to talk, but these stooges don't scare me. Threats or no threats, I've laid bare the coming race war in our big cities. The federal-homosexual cover-up on AIDS (my thinking as a physician helps me see through this one.) The Bohemian Grove-perverted, pagan playground of the powerful. Skull & Bones: the demonic fraternity that includes George Bush and leftist Senator John Kerry, Congress's Mr. New Money. The Israeli lobby, which plays Congress like a cheap harmonica. And the Soviet-style 'smartcard' the Justice Department has in mind for you."

See, no matter how many times he ran, stuff like this is the real reason why Ron Paul could never be president. Until Trump came along. Now, all bets are back on.