In Metal Gear Solid 5, this shameless trend continued. After escaping a hospital and getting chased by a flaming unicorn, a giant flying whale, and a psychic kid, the game sends you to rescue your second-in-command, Kazuhira Miller. Kaz has signature aviator glasses, so before heading out, you grab a pair for him. It's the kind of cute self-reference Metal Gear is known for, and it gets immediately ruined because the glasses have their own credits:
KonamiStarring Gary Oldman in the role of a lifetime as Kaz's Sunglasses, brought to you by J.F. Rey Eyewear and Fruit by the Foot Pineapple Clam Swirl.
Starring Gary Oldman in the role of a lifetime as Kaz's Sunglasses, brought to you by J.F. Rey Eyewear and Fruit by the Foot Pineapple Clam Swirl.
Had it have just been "Kaz's Aviators," then this could be chalked up to MGS's patented wackiness. Which it sort of does, but that is in the small font beneath the far more obvious "J.F. Rey Eyewear." But if you're going for "cute reference" and your audience thinks, "Wait, is this a commercial? Is J.F. Rey a character I forgot about? It probably stands for Justice Fox Rey. Is Solid Snake going to end up being Justice Fox this entire time? I should probably draw Justice Fox fucking Sonic the Hedgehog."
It turns out J.F. Rey is the brand of choice for series creator Hideo Kojima. He and J.F. teamed up to sell glasses while making one of the most feature-intensive video games in human history. It comes up a few more times as well, like in this scene, in which Revolver Ocelot is sporting a pair which end up missing "cool" and landing squarely in "grandma coming back from the eye doctor."
KonamiHe's a Russian cowboy who meows like a cat, and even he can't pull them off.
He's a Russian cowboy who meows like a cat, and even he can't pull them off.
Indeed, the dream team of video game designer and sunglasses salesman came up with six signature shades in total -- the two we mentioned and four that Kojima, who himself appears in the game, would have worn. Unfortunately, not all of them ended up in the game, most likely because Kojima parted ways with the studio before he completed his vision. Presumably, if he had his way, there would have been a three-hour mission during which Kaz and Ocelot try on different sunglasses, each sillier than the last, until they find the perfect pair!
KonamiSeriously, the man seems really into sunglasses.
Seriously, the man seems really into sunglasses.
It's weirdly inappropriate to stop an infiltration mission to pose for glamour shots, but it's extra inappropriate in this game. These aren't "good guys." The game is about man's slow descent into villainy. Human lives are cogs in a military industrial complex that will eventually grind us all into blood. Snake hides nuclear weapons from the UN and kills thousands of men. Kaz is so warped by torture that he is made entirely out of hate. And Ocelot's favorite two things are shooting people and torture. They represent the weakness and evil of men! So, kids, buy their fave shades?
Jordan Breeding also writes officially for Paste Magazine, unofficially on the Twitter, and is trained exclusively by the Burger King.
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