George Washington Won An Election By Getting Voters Shitfaced
For all the shit Trump is getting over how he possibly, maybe colluded with Russia during the last election, chances are we'd be having a similar conversation if he got himself elected using the same method that the nation's most beloved president, George Washington, employed to bust his way into political office. In 1758, Washington was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses by bribing the electorate with shitloads of alcohol.
This wasn't Washington's first attempt at getting into the House of Burgesses. In 1755, he campaigned and was roundly defeated, which he attributed to not "swilling the planters with bumbo" -- "bumbo" being a word for rum used by people already drunk on bumbo. See, back then, election days were times to party. And if you wanted people to come over to your side, you had to be a good host. And what does a good host/politician provide? Economic reform. Wait, no, booze.
When the next election rolled around, Washington was ready. On voting day, his agents dispensed a whopping 47 gallons of beer, 70 gallons of rum, 35 gallons of wine, two gallons of cider, and three pints of brandy. But this wasn't enough! Despite greasing the wheels with enough alcohol (and vomit) to become king of Boston, he had the sheer balls to admonish his chief of staff for being too sparing. Three pints of brandy? Don't be that guy, guy.