George Washington Won An Election By Getting Voters Shitfaced
For all the shit Trump is getting over how he possibly, maybe colluded with Russia during the last election, chances are we'd be having a similar conversation if he got himself elected using the same method that the nation's most beloved president, George Washington, employed to bust his way into political office. In 1758, Washington was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses by bribing the electorate with shitloads of alcohol.
This wasn't Washington's first attempt at getting into the House of Burgesses. In 1755, he campaigned and was roundly defeated, which he attributed to not "swilling the planters with bumbo" -- "bumbo" being a word for rum used by people already drunk on bumbo. See, back then, election days were times to party. And if you wanted people to come over to your side, you had to be a good host. And what does a good host/politician provide? Economic reform. Wait, no, booze.
When the next election rolled around, Washington was ready. On voting day, his agents dispensed a whopping 47 gallons of beer, 70 gallons of rum, 35 gallons of wine, two gallons of cider, and three pints of brandy. But this wasn't enough! Despite greasing the wheels with enough alcohol (and vomit) to become king of Boston, he had the sheer balls to admonish his chief of staff for being too sparing. Three pints of brandy? Don't be that guy, guy.
Thankfully, the lack of brandy didn't matter. Thanks to his newfound spirits of hospitality, Washington destroyed his rivals, receiving 310 votes -- 70 more than the second-place candidate. And so the future first president of the United States finally got enough people drunk to think that voting for him was a good idea.
The Steves Jobs And Woz Started Out As Hackers
The overuse of the term "hack" almost makes you wish for the olden days of computing (the late '70s), when the only things being hacked were telephones and the Democrats (because some things never go out of style). And when it came to the former, there were no more notorious hackers than the Blue Box Bandits, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.
"Blue boxes" were numeric keypadded boxes that could replicate the multifrequency tones used by the telephone network to place calls, allowing owners to dial as many numbers as they liked free of charge. Steve "Wozniak" Woz became fascinated with this "phone phreaking" while reading an article in Esquire about a guy who hacked frequencies with a whistle he got in a Cap'n Crunch cereal box. He immediately called his buddy, 16-year-old Stevie Jobs, and told him all about it. Woz then set out to make a blue box of his own.
RaD man/Wiki Commons