Which may explain why they've taken to faking it.
Luckily, three scientists hired by a Japanese TV show utilized particle physics modeling to find the best way to hold a burger (though the solution they came up with sounds a lot more like common sense than science). People tend to hold burgers with four fingers on top and thumbs supporting the bottom bun, but the uneven pressure from below jeopardizes the burger's structural stability.
To counter this, place your pinkies on the underside beside your thumbs (to hold the bottom of the burger closed, essentially) and enjoy an objectively better life.
This makes up for ... well, everything, Japan.
To celebrate your newfound mastery over burgers (and, conceivably, all sandwiches), you decide to have a beer and make bogus pledges to PBS, as per your weeknight routine. Tragically, all the beers are warm and Antiques Roadshow starts in 20 minutes.
Science to the rescue once more. To quickly cool your beers, stick them in a bowl full of salty ice water. Water transfers heat much more efficiently than air (i.e., sticking it in the freezer), and the salt lowers water's freezing point. Alternatively, wrap a wet paper towel before putting that sucker in the freezer -- the water's evaporation will keep heat away from the bottle and the far more important, life-giving liquid inside of it.
Uwe Keim via Stack Exchange
Turns out most hobos are physics experts.
You deserve a treat after a busy evening drinking and yelling at the shopping channel, and fortunately, there's a leftover slice of cake in the fridge. Unfortunately, the non-iced parts of the cake (the bit that was on the interior before it was cut) have dried out, and no one deserves dry cake.
To avoid this grievous inconvenience in the future, there's a better way to slice cake that minimizes the delicious interior's exposure to air and thus prevents dryness. It was devised in 1906 by Englishman Francis Galton -- statistical mastermind, half-cousin of Charles Darwin, and proof that man is still evolving.
The Daily Mail
Charles was more famous, but Francis was a bigger hit at parties.
You start by taking the first horizontal slice across the middle, making everyone in the vicinity think you've gone utterly mad. But then you take the two remaining pieces and push them back together, creating something like an uncut cake again. Do it again going the other direction, and you'll have four triangular pieces you can push back together once more (we guess for the final step, you need to eat all four slices).
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