7 Famous Actors In Hit Movies (That Were A Personal Hell)

On top of having to sit in a makeup chair for three hours a day to look half man, half burger patty, Jones had to endure something even worse: Jim Carrey, who played the Riddler. On the night before filming a big scene together, Carrey saw Jones at a restaurant and stopped by his table to say hi. Jones' face turned ashen gray. He got up, hugged the comedian tight, and said, while shaking: "I hate you. I really don't like you." When Carrey asked him why, Jones replied with "I cannot sanction your buffoonery," because Tommy Lee Jones is so old that he was taught his insults by Mark Twain.

Austin didn't get more birthday presents until he was 35

Between an ever-changing script and an ever-shouting Curtiz, all Bogart and Bergman knew about Casablanca was that it was sloppy, with tons of bad dialogue and absurd situations. When actress Geraldine Fitzgerald took them to lunch (lazy), all they could do was talk about how to get out of the movie. This shit sandwich had literally killed their appetite.

"I'll smack Curtiz, you make a run for the plane and start the engine."

Every morning, Bergman would arrive on set asking Curtiz, "Who are we? What are we doing?" because the script would change with each passing day. Neither Bergman nor Bogart particularly liked each other, nor knew how the movie would end until they were practically shooting it, with many classic lines being pulled out of the writers' asses at the last minute. In the end, Casablanca turned out to be a timeless masterpiece, which came as a great surprise to the people who'd made the damn thing. But hey, sometimes when you drop a thousand-piece puzzle, all the pieces fall in exactly the right place, and then you have a perfectly formed puzzle on the floor of your kitchen. That's Casablanca.

One Tumblr fic to rule them all.

When Evangeline Lilly was asked to play the role of Tauriel, an elven warrior created specifically for the movies, she only had one demand: no love triangles. After being trapped in one for six seasons on Lost, she wanted nothing to do with that crap. The producers assured her that there was nothing like that in the script, so Lilly signed onto the films. Then, after an entire year of shooting, they informed Lilly that they needed some vital reshoots between herself and actors Aidan Turner and Orlando Bloom. Why? Oh, because instead of the mentor/mentee relationship with Legolas and a flirty competitiveness with the dwarf Kili, Tauriel now had the high elven hots for these two dudes.

Look, if you're going to make love triangles up, why not go for the gold?

This stealth love triangle was snuck in using reshoots and editing wizardry. When she asked why her badass elven hero was suddenly the star of some teenage drama more befitting Degrassi: Mirkwood than a Tolkien story, Lilly cites the producers telling her that "the relationship between Tauriel and these male character is a bit too ambiguous." They had suddenly remembered a golden rule of fantasy: A female character can only be defined by which hero's longsword she's trying to get her hands on. Eventually, Lilly grew to understand the audience's need for clarity, and accepted that there wasn't time to build another nuanced relationship in a trilogy that only had ten measly hours to adapt a 300-page book.

The screenwriter had butchered author Anne Rice's story -- which was surprising, because the screenwriter was Rice herself. Plus, it didn't help that Rice hated Pitt's guts, publicly calling his and Cruise's casting "the worst crime in the name of casting since Bonfire Of The Vanities" (the Batman v. Superman of the early '90s).

Not pictured: Cruise, right out of frame, talking about this wonderful new religion he's discovered.

The work was tolerable at first, until the crew moved to Pinewood Studios (near London) in the dead of winter. According to Pitt, at Pinewood, his working day boiled down to "wake up in darkness, go be sad and blink painfully in a drafty mausoleum, go back home in darkness." It was like working night shifts at the Louvre McDonald's.

We're pretty sure he's somehow sleeping under those contacts.

Pitt hated the experience so much that at one point, he called producer David Geffen to find out how much it would take to buy himself out of the movie. Geffen replied "40 million dollars." Pitt quietly and professionally completed the movie. And peaking of reluctant vampires ...

"Lee-A-Chu, I choose you-WUAARRRRGH"

When he finally announced he was quitting, Lee got a frantic call from Hammer co-founder Sir James Carreras begging him not to abandon the studio. Apparently, they'd already sold the next movie to the distributor based on the promise of Lee's appearance. When that didn't work, Carreras moved on to full-on emotional blackmail, saying, "Think of all the people you're putting out of work." That line worked on Lee, who admitted that he didn't want to be responsible for hundreds of people ending up on the street. So he wound up pumping out four more Dracula films for Hammer, which he did "under protest" -- though you couldn't really tell, because glaring intensely was also part of his job.

"No, my name is, uh ... Vittorio Florenc- Palerm- Corleone! Yeah, Vito Corleone."

However, Fox tasked a U.S. marshal to serve Brando with papers to let him know they were suing his pants off. The marshal tracked Brando down to his home and, making the wild assumption that Brando had a massive ego, decided to trick him by pretending to be from the Academy to inform Marlon that he had been nominated for another Oscar. Within moments, Brando crashed through the front, only to be informed that Fox was suing him for $2 million (we'd definitely watch a celebrity prank show with this exact premise).

And yet none of this explains why he secretly pretended to be a dolphin decades later.

To settle the matter, Brando agreed to do Desiree for the studio ... and everyone else on set suffered for it. When Brando didn't like a line, he would read it in a ridiculous accent and refuse to do a second take. According to co-star Cameron Mitchell in the appropriately titled biography Brando Unzipped, at one point, Brando pissed his own pants mid-take to ruin a shot. The story is unconfirmed, but it's true that Brando squirted people with his hose -- as in, a literal fire hose, which he'd use to blast extras and create chaos between takes.

This turned out to be the beginning of Brando's on-set madness, with his behavior becoming more and more volatile and unpredictable with every new project. Then again, studios kept hiring a notorious trousers-pisser, so who's really to blame?

For more of Cedric Voets' attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter.

Also check out 5 Famous Actors Who Hate Their Most Iconic Roles and 5 Iconic Performances (That Everyone On Set Hated).

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