Look, we get it. Once you find out that your patronus is a three-legged alley cat, it's hard to get motivated to check on the news. Besides, no reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorcing

JonBenet Ramsey brother to sue CBS for defamation

Source: Newsweek

China space station out of control and headed for Earth

European Union promises free wifi to all its members

Fatal police shooting in Charlotte North Carolina

Source: ABC News

Fatal police shooting in Tulsa Oklahoma

Yahoo confirms 2014 hack of 500 million accounts

Oculus Rift founder funding pro-Trump memes

Disney pulls Maui costume after complaints about racism

Source: CNN

Obama vetoes 9 11 bill that would allow lawsuits of Saudi Arabia

Source: CNN

Stabbing rampage at Minnesota mall

Five people killed at Washington mall

Source: Boston Globe, CNN

<- PREVIOUS WEEK

Teachers: America's unsung heroes ... and secret drunks ... and all-around degenerates. To shed light on the dark side of this trusted occupation, Cracked Podcast host Jack O'Brien, along with comedians and the cast of truTV's Those Who Can't Maria Thayer (Abbey Logan) and Andrew Orvedahl (Coach Fairbell), will interview some real life (and probably anonymous) teachers who will share all the filthy, outrageous, and hilarious tales from this supposedly squeaky clean profession. Get FREE tickets to this LIVE podcast here!

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