One fish, two fish, red fish, you're blue cause you're dead from eating fish.
Oh, sorry -- we just assumed that. In fact, it's called "bioaccumulation," and here's how it works: Tiny organisms absorb tiny amounts of mercury from their environment, though not enough to kill them. Fish then eat those tiny organisms by the thousands, acquiring huge doses of mercury. Those in turn are devoured by bigger fish, which retain all the combined amount of mercury from the whole food chain. By the time this scales up to the tin of canned tuna, forgotten in your cupboard until you get desperate, you're basically spreading the insides of a thermometer on a slice of rye.
There's a problem when a product sells itself by bragging how it'll only poison you a little bit.
Scientists say drastic and immediate reductions are needed merely to stabilize the amount of mercury in the environment. Not to fix the problem, mind you -- to stop making it worse. So much mercury is already in circulation that it will continue to exist in the ocean and accumulate in fish for "decades to centuries," even if we stop using mercury entirely right now. Right as of this sentence. Right ...
Okay, now! No, this time for real. On three ...
Forgotten Shipwrecks Can Still Explode, Dramatically
In the mouth of the Thames river, right outside London, sits a sunken U.S. warship, the SS Richard Montgomery -- the most gentlemanly of all warships. It ran aground in 1944 during the Second World War, and has since become a tourist attraction, thanks to the fact that its masts are still visible above the water.
Clem Rutter / Wiki Commons
Like a gang of pissed-off, murderous, exploding shark fins.
The issue is that this quaint old landmark still carries 1,500 tons of explosives, which were originally intended to mess up Germany's shit back when Germany had some shit that needed messing up. They don't build 'em like they used to, and that's not only true for men and women and muscle cars -- Richard Montgomery's apocalyptic payload remains as powerful as it ever was.
On the plus side, Richard Montgomery's ghost has to be stoked that we wrote that sentence.
As nature continues to take its course and the ship deteriorates, it becomes ever more likely that the explosives will, well ... explode, and take a good hunk of London with them.
Andy Hebden / BBC
Michael Bay just had a Little Mermaid reboot idea.
So what are we doing about it? Saving a good seat and getting ready to clap, essentially. It's still considered too dangerous to send people down there to disarm the bombs, and if they did, one tiny mistake could be big enough to drown London. Turns out The Clash was trying to warn us all along. We owe Joe Strummer an apology for so many things.
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