If you want to complete Angela's quest (and you do, because otherwise you'll have an unfinished quest marker in your journal forever, and what kind of freak is okay with that?), you need to give her some ant queen pheromones, which will make her "irresistible" to Diego. As in, sexually.

Yeah, that's a date rape drug.

Bethesda
If these roles were reversed, Congress would hold hearings.

When you catch up with these crazy kids later on, Angela is giddy that the plan worked. Diego? He laments: "I ... I don't know what came over me. I just lost control and seduced her. But I am an honorable man. I will make her an honorable woman."

To be clear, he was drugged and sexually exploited by a clearly crazy 16-year-old girl, and now he's going to spend the rest of his life with her not because he wants to, but because he thinks it's the right thing to do. You're responsible for that.

Bethesda
Though, given your track record, we're not surprised.

But that's the great thing about Fallout: You don't have to be a good guy. The wasteland is an amoral place, and even villains have a--

Oh wait, you get 100 points of positive karma for assisting in the rape of a priest? Huh.

Injustice: Gods Among Us is set in a frightening alternate reality where Superman snaps and becomes a mass murderer (on purpose this time). Fortunately, the real Superman from the regular DC Universe -- that bastion of truth, justice, and apple pie -- shows up to put things right. Here he is kicking ass and taking names ...

Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
... so he can notify their next of kin.

Wait, did he really incinerate a bunch of random cars? That's ... weird. Surely, those were driverless vehicles, and if we take a closer look, we'll see that no citizens were harmed in the making of this--

Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment

No, those cars were actually driving. And that means drivers.

Sure, it was Black Adam grabbing the cars and endangering civilians in the first place, but Superman's role is to save the weak and helpless, even at his own expense. Instead, he vaporizes them like we'd swat away houseflies.

Also, note that Superman could have flown up to Black Adam and stopped this at any point. Instead, he stands there and blasts citizen after citizen for a full minute and a half. The carnage only halts when Adam voluntarily decides to stop chucking cars, because even monsters have a line, Superman. Goddamn.

Yes, that's the protagonist of Assassin's Creed: Revelations, Ezio Auditore di Firenze, blowing up a good chunk of humanity. He's tracking down a corrupt military officer in the underground city of Derinkuyu, which was a real-life location in Turkey where up to 20,000 people hid from repression by stuffing themselves into an area of about four square miles. In order to flush out his target, Ezio decides to detonate a huge stock of gunpowder right in the middle of this large, sealed area. When told that this will cause, at best, panic in the entire city, Ezio goes, "Well, duh."

Ubisoft
"Is ... is that an erection?"

How do we know people will die from inhaling that smoke? Well, for starters, because that's what happens to real humans. But we know this isn't a fantastical game world exactly like our own in every respect save for lung capacity, because Ezio himself dies of smoke inhalation if you don't super-parkour out of there in time. Do you see those citizens super-parkouring?

Ubisoft
"Why, that's barely even regular parkour. Are you even trying?"

Kingdom Hearts is an RPG about classic Disney characters teaming up with androgynous teenagers to fight black tentacle monsters. The game is quite cute and family friendly, though it is a mere a third of a penis away from technically qualifying as slash fiction. The villains are called "Heartless," and you know they're evil because, well, look at them:

Disney Interactive Studios
"We're just misunderstood, and also totally evil-looking."

They're the villainous foot soldiers of this franchise. You kill them by the dozens and never give it a second thought. And this, it turns out, makes you the real monster.

At one point, Sora, the protagonist, puts a magic sword through his chest and becomes a Heartless. He spends the next several minutes wandering a massive castle, unable to tell his friends who he is, because he literally has no mouth. That means it's not only possible for a regular person to become a Heartless, but also for that person to remain sentient after their transformation. If they did have mouths, presumably they'd be screaming "DON'T KILL ME!" or "OH GOD! WHY, GOOFY, WHY?! I ONLY WANTED TO LIVE."

Luckily for Sora, one of his friends recognizes him and turns him back into human form ... with a hug. Seriously, that's all they had to do. This is like finding out cows could have given us burgers if we'd asked them nicely.

Disney Interactive Studios
"Let us all agree not to learn anything from this moment."

After this revelation, Sora spends the remainder of the game showing affection to all the Heartless he encounters, returning them to normalcy. This begins your long journey of redemption, for having unknowingly slaughtered so many innocent things that only needed love.

Kidding. He goes back to massacring them with glee.

You get a jewel, all right, but it's not the slave you're supposed to help. It's the slavers. If you sell out the slave, they'll give you a Red Jewel ...

Nintendo

... And there's no other way to get it. If you want to collect all 50 Jewels and unlock a secret boss, you have to betray the slave, as well as your humanity. Neither the slave nor his rescuer are ever seen again. Except for every time you close your eyes, no matter how much you try to drink the guilt away.

In Tomb Raider Chronicles, we find Lara Croft infiltrating an industrial building, because all the good tombs have been inexplicably raided by somebody. Our heroine comes across an unarmed worker in a HAZMAT suit, who immediately surrenders and begs for his life. In case you need a tutorial on basic morality, Lara's partner even comes on the radio and tells her not to shoot him. So naturally, she shoots him.

Square Enix
She then adds insult to injury death by raiding his tomb later.

Don't worry, it all works out. Since Lara needed that guy alive to open a door, and he is decidedly not alive, she's forced to take an alternate path, where she comes across a bonus item: a golden rose. You knew that because you're a dirty cheater with a GameFAQs account. But Lara didn't -- within the world of these games, this intrepid explorer randomly murdered a guy because she thought it would be funny.

Somewhere in her massive mansion, Lara Croft keeps the golden rose alongside all of her other precious artifacts. Each one has a story. She'll be happy to tell you all of them, except for one. She does not say anything when you ask about the golden rose. She just smiles, as if remembering some special, private moment.

While not properly using the Oxford Comma, Sam Wellborn lives, works, and drinks in Austin, TX. Check out his totally not broken or unattractive blog, or watch him fail to be clever on Twitter.

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