Frankly, we don't even know what the point of this fancy futuristic technology is if we can't dress up like Robocop's creepy uncle and pipe 1996's Playboy: Girls Of The Internet into our virtual reality headset.
MacPlaymate Made Everyone Insane With Lust (Or Just Insane) In The '80s
As of 1988, the most pirated game ever for Macintosh wasn't a platformer or a puzzle game -- it was something called MacPlaymate. Some consumers actually chose to buy Macs over IBM PCs simply because only Macs could play this game. The LA Times published debates over whether or not it was even a real game, because it was about nothing but using various sex toys on this one lady lying in front of you. It caused such a ruckus that the company that did the animation actually backed away from the finished product until it was decided that a portion of the profit from sales would be donated to the Chicago Abused Women Coalition.
But that's all secondary to the fact that this thing is completely, hilariously insane.
The "panic button" pulls up a fake work spreadsheet. An actual panic button would be more helpful, as we'll see.
Our first question upon seeing the game in action is whether or not there was a chestburster lurking inside this poor lady, because her breasts seem to pulse erratically in a way that no one who has ever seen a woman in real life would find natural. As you use a variety of sex toys on the female protagonist, she suddenly starts freaking the fuck out, twitching like a dying beetle. That's the kind of thing that kills a masturbation session faster than accidentally answering a FaceTime call from your mother, so we're not sure what it's doing in this game.
Are the holes in the ends of the "hands" for your dong to slip into? Does that mean you're squeezing her boobs with penis-hands?
Notice the "sex partners" menu? That's where things get really weird. You can pick three partners: a fellow lady called Lola, a slightly less lady-like version of Lola with a fetish ensemble, or "Melvin." Picking Melvin is, for all intents and purposes, the "Game Over" button, because if you do, this happens:
If you saw this coming, please turn yourself to the nearest mental hospital right now.
For reasons that can never be explained, Melvin is some sort of freakishly tiny man with an 8-ball for a head, and if you dare summon him, he comes flying onscreen like a freaking circus goblin and takes that vagina to church. Why? We're not even sure it matters at this point. Be thankful you live in the golden age of porn, and don't have to make do with the log cabin that is MacPlaymate.
When they aren't rocking your world with bad puns and harsh truths, Marina and Adam can be found on Twitter. Now they've joined forces, and no one can stop them.
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