Our first question upon seeing the game in action is whether or not there was a chestburster lurking inside this poor lady, because her breasts seem to pulse erratically in a way that no one who has ever seen a woman in real life would find natural. As you use a variety of sex toys on the female protagonist, she suddenly starts freaking the f**k out, twitching like a dying beetle. That's the kind of thing that kills a masturbation session faster than accidentally answering a FaceTime call from your mother, so we're not sure what it's doing in this game.
Are the holes in the ends of the "hands" for your dong to slip into? Does that mean you're squeezing her boobs with penis-hands?
Notice the "sex partners" menu? That's where things get really weird. You can pick three partners: a fellow lady called Lola, a slightly less lady-like version of Lola with a fetish ensemble, or "Melvin." Picking Melvin is, for all intents and purposes, the "Game Over" button, because if you do, this happens:
If you saw this coming, please turn yourself to the nearest mental hospital right now.
For reasons that can never be explained, Melvin is some sort of freakishly tiny man with an 8-ball for a head, and if you dare summon him, he comes flying onscreen like a freaking circus goblin and takes that vagina to church. Why? We're not even sure it matters at this point. Be thankful you live in the golden age of porn, and don't have to make do with the log cabin that is MacPlaymate.
When they aren't rocking your world with bad puns and harsh truths, Marina and Adam can be found on Twitter. Now they've joined forces, and no one can stop them.
Also check out 5 Weird Ways Porn Completely Changed In Just A Decade and 4 Things In Every Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Insane Details Behind The Scenes Of A Porn Shoot, and other videos you won't see on the site!
Also, follow us on Facebook, and let's be best friends forever.