But there's one aspect of the Jurassic Park franchise you'd expect companies wouldn't want their products featured: as the technology. You know, since the only thing we really expect from a Jurassic Park movie is to see technology fail and the resulting dinosaur calamities. And yet, despite that, Samsung still really wanted to be the ones supplying phones for all the park employees, the ones that seem great at first ...

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... until they start dropping calls, which leads to two kids almost being eaten.

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These two. Crandy and Bryceler, or whatever.

Samsung products are also used for the park's security, allowing them to be featured prominently in the scene where the Murdersaurus gets away ...

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... and it's this fancy Samsung smartwatch ...

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... that lures a bunch of security guards to a brunch.

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Where the security guards discover that they are the brunch.

We don't know about you, but the sight of a blood-spattered Samsung smartwatch leading an elite squadron of soldiers to their violent deaths isn't really likely to get us to buy one for ourselves. Might just mosey past the Samsung store, in fact. Drive on down to the Apple store, even.

Or the nearest Amish community.

... before happily shutting the door behind her. Luckily Kevin encounters an American Airlines attendant at another gate who ushers him on to an entirely different airplane with no ticket.

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"Would you like a handgun too, little guy?"

They're not even, like, embarrassed about this. Because coming up next are lots of shots of American Airlines logos and planes so we know for sure which company just separated a kid from his family at Christmas and flew him alone to New York City.

20th Century Fox

The movie could have just as easily been called Home Alone 2: Kevin's Body Just Washed Up On The Banks Of The Hudson, Thanks A Lot American Airlines. Come to think of it, why would any airline want to be prominently highlighted in a movie with the word "lost" in the title? Wouldn't that be like Mountain Dew sponsoring a movie called The Foul Urine Murders?

Here's the most bizarre thing. Remember that scene where the A.A. staff ignore a mother's concerns about losing her children and then lose her children? It was used as a commercial for American Airlines that played on VHS copies of the movie! They were proud of this moment! This was a success story for them!

American Airlines: All These Planes Look The Same, Fuck It.

For those who haven't seen it: The fourth Transformers movie, Transformers: Age Of Extinction, is less an adaptation of the beloved cartoon series and more an adaptation of an Amazon.com wishlist. An absurd number of products appear in this movie, including Victoria's Secret, Oreo, and this thing that looks like some kind of birth control for your stereo.

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"Now you can play Prince albums without worry."

Due to the nature of the franchise, a lot of these brands are putting products there just to be pointlessly destroyed. For example, Bud Light must have paid good money to have one of their trucks explode in this scene ...

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... which leads to a sea of Bud Lite bottles scattering across the pavement like blue plastic corpses. Their product hardly gets kinder treatment in the next scene.

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"What the fuck is this, robot piss?"

At another point in the movie, some mechanic is brutally incinerated by an evil Transformer. We're pretty sure this part isn't product placement, not unless the people at Slim Jim have completely lost their minds.

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Still better than teriyaki flavor.

What definitely is product placement, though, is when the murder-bot transformers into a sleek Lamborghini.

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So, it's basically a Lamborghini commercial where the Lamborghini burns a working-class man to death. Which ... actually sounds like it might be kind of appealing to someone in the market for $300,000 cars. OK. We get this one.

Apparently people do actually try to use this feature to detect demons and such in real life. They do the same in the movie, and, spoiler, the demons are very much there, and they murder some people, and then the movie ends.

It's hard to say why Microsoft paid for this, wanting to associate the Kinect with the occult. Or why they designed it to detect demons in the first place. Maybe Bill Gates made some kind of Faustian bargain to ensure Microsoft's world-spanning success, and now they're desperately holding back the demons who come to collect every night.

That's all just baseless speculation, of course. So make sure to tell it to everyone you know.

It wasn't just the setting; they got current and former players to do cameos, as well as local broadcasters. They even got the adorable Penguins mascot, Iceburgh, to show up -- where he adorably tries to butcher Van Damme.

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"REFUND MY STREET FIGHTER TICKET!"

If you're wondering, this is actually one of the terrorists in the costume, and not the actual Iceburgh gone mad from too much capering. Knowledge that doesn't really detract from the violence of seeing him decapitated.

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Or the joy if you're a Capitals fan.

Sheen plays Dex Dogtective (because "Dog Detective" would have been too lazy), who lives in a magical fantasy land full of advertising mascots like Charlie The Tuna, Mr. Clean, and Chef Boyardee.

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The Charmin Bears are surprisingly missing considering how much shit is packed in this.

And, OK, this could maybe be a cute premise for a dumb kids' flick; not everything needs to be Citizen Kane. But things go awry pretty quick. For starters, the villains are disturbingly Nazi-like.

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Often an exaggeration. But not this time, folks.

The story behind the movie is almost as insane as the movie itself. Production began way back in 2002, but after the hard drives containing the movie were allegedly stolen and the original financiers bailed on it, probably after noticing that the movie -- despite costing in the neighborhood of $50 million -- looked like it was animated by a Nintendo 64.

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It wasn't released until 2013 (straight to DVD, although probably only after they tried straight to VHS). A footnote: The writer, director, and guy who kept hyping up how awesome Foodfight! was going to be is Lawrence Kasanoff, who's currently hyping up how awesome his new trilogy of Tetris movies is going to be. So brace yourself for the adventures of Square and Long Piece sometime around 2057.