Writing sci-fi technology isn't easy: Science advances so fast that real technology can end up blowing past your "futuristic" crap in a heartbeat. Remember when electronic billboards were something you saw only in movies featuring androids and hovercars? Now there's one trying to sell you dick pills every time you look at your phone.
Even so, this doesn't excuse writers from applying common sense, deductive reasoning, and even basic OSHA practices to their worlds of tomorrow. Here are seven sci-fi technologies that were already dumb and outdated when the movies came out:
(SPOILER FOR THIS ARTICLE: It's full of spoilers.)
7 Jurassic World: The Security Sucks Compared To The First Jurassic Park
In Jurassic World, profits are floundering at the park, so the corporate fat cats decide to give visitors a new dinosaur to look at by genetically engineering one. The new dino, indominus rex, has super intelligence, which she uses to fool Chris Pratt (no small feat) into releasing her into the park:
But wait a second: Why the hell would they put a door big enough for their extremely dangerous dinosaur to fit through? Why didn't they put the I. rex into its pen when it was small (like John Hammond does in the original Jurassic Park) and let it grow there, thus avoiding the logistical nightmare of trying to transport a 10-ton super predator? That way, the only way she could ever escape would be to bust through the wall, Kool-Aid Man style.
Shit, they don't even bother to dig large trenches around the perimeter, like both Hammond and non-prehistoric zoos do. Another good idea Hammond has is electric fences, while Jurassic World just opts to house their raptors with superhuman speed and jumping in an enclosure built out of recycled shipping containers, apparently.
They're gonna need those containers to ship out tourist corpses, anyway.
In fact, the only animals protected by electric fences in Jurassic World are the non-violent herbivores. Even then, people in the command center still can't tell if a fence door is open or where the visitors' vehicles are (another feature Hammond has back in AOL days):
Hopefully that PC is preserved in amber somewhere and can be restored.
The Jurassic World big wigs do have one semi-innovative idea: microchipping the dinosaurs so they can track them ... and yet they manage to even fuck that up, because as soon as the indominus escapes her pen, she claws out the tracker. Unlike your local veterinarian, the geniuses at Jurassic World forgot to implant the animal's microchip in a place she can't actually reach.
And now you're imagining a T. rex trying to reach its back with its comically tiny hands.
Also, if the park is trying to save costs, why not relocate to a place like Florida instead of making everyone schlep out to an island in the middle of the Pacific? Plus, if the dinosaurs do escape there, that will only be the fourth-craziest thing to happen in Florida that week.
6Star Wars: The Rebels Could Have Just Sent Each Other The Death Star Plans
Despite Star Wars' repeated insistence that it takes place in the past, it's clearly meant to look like the future -- these movies allow us to see all the fantastic ways we'll get to kill each other, travel, and even communicate one day. Darth Vader chokes a guy through a fancy video-chat screen:
An expanded universe novel reveals he actually swallowed a fly and Vader just went with it.
And there are several instances of holograms being sent and received, including when the Rebels monitor a space battle via holographic data:
After their deaths, the Emperor and Darth Maul gained great fame as a rap duo.
But wait a minute -- if people can send holoscreens and holovines and holodickpics across the infinite vastness of space, why can't they send other data? Like, say, plans for a super-secret battle station that you want to blow up (aka, the thing R2-D2 is carrying on behalf of Princess Leia in the first Star Wars, starting this whole mess).
Why bother fucking around with using people and droids to carry this information? We know they can send the plans -- the first thing Vader says to Leia is, "Several transmissions were beamed to this ship." So why use a middleman? Just send them directly to the Rebel base, and if you're worried about the Empire tracing it, send it to 5 million planets and let the Empire figure out which one is the real base. The nerds over at Wookieepedia even mention that the Rebels used "secret channels" on the galactic internet to send information. What could be more important than the plans themselves? Porn? OK, yeah. Probably porn.
"Attempting to overthrow an evil, fascist government is in direct violation
of your Comcast service agreement."
And finally, let's not forget that Leia is only captured because she's headed to pick up Obi-Wan, which she wants to do in person and then later by hologram, instead of just sending a message from a burner Gmail account.
Her LeiaOrgasmaXXX69@empire.gov account is only for official communications.