Selling sexual enhancement pills sounds like the easiest job in the world. You take an explosive adjective, throw it on a box covered in naked people, and BAM! It's time to start deciding how to spend your profits.

Except it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes, when you're focusing all your energy on putting out a dubious "sexual enhancement" product, you can't be bothered to design packaging that makes any kind of sense and/or doesn't look like the pictorial equivalent of a ransom note.

Stree Overlord Will Let You Bone Like A Street Fighter Character

We haven't played Street Fighter in a long time, but we're pretty sure no button combination in existence will produce this result:

STREE EXCEED VIGRA AND CIALIS OVERLORD Thoeuk saisble proclugct efthe word Ta oact 10 inut soomts abig. long-lanuting. nereasing Srol 12801 hns dcsu
Stree Overlord Strong

Now you know why Blanka is smiling on the Super Nintendo cover.

Despite being a brand of penile supplements, Stree Overlord has the name and the mastery of English of a shitty Street Fighter II bootleg, and it will improve your sex life exactly as much. The box art, meanwhile, is pure "DeviantArt with the NSFW filters off" (in fact, we wouldn't be surprised if they lifted it from there). Oh, and that's a leg in the foreground, by the way; using Stree Overlord has not (yet) been proven to cause gigantic penises to erupt from the ground like the monsters from Tremors.

But don't worry. They came up with a fake history for their dick-swelling pills which reads like an entry from a middle school boy's wish fulfillment journal:

The Stree Overlord Story In the beginning, before the Shogun were domninating Japan, the Overlords were dominating women with Fierce Intensity during
via Black Ant Herb

This unregulated penis supplement has more plot than Street Fighter V.

The official site, meanwhile, only mentions that Stree Overlord was developed by the prestigious "Shenglong Medecine Biology Research Center" (fittingly, Sheng Long means "Rising Dragon Punch"). At least we can all agree that this is a more respectful adaptation than the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

iScream Is Hauntingly Obsessed With Making Women Scream

Ladies! Do you hate making normal sex noises? Do you want your neighbors to think that you're being murdered on a roller coaster? Do you want orgasms so potent that you'll forget how to spell "orgasms?" If so, good news: iScreams are the pills for you!

Celcbrity LifeStyle Produet iScream More sexual desire More Intense Orgams its time to scream in hart Love O More Sexual Libido V Romance J Passion Mo
Celebrity Lifestyle

Although judging by the photos, this could easily be a powerful laxative.

iScream is what happens when Big Pharma has a graphics budget of $0.50 because they hired Eli Roth to write the ad copy. "It's time to scream ... in bed ..." sounds like the chilling promise of a serial killer. It doesn't get any better when you visit their Amazon listing and discover that it consists of little more than stock photos of screaming women, which only seems to confirm their "violent felon" demographic.

-Scream women's Sex pills - Female Libido... $10 OFF
Celebrity Lifestyle

"Hey, this looks like my Pinterest board!" -- a person you should avoid

Big PENIS Cuts Straight To The Point

Sup, bro? How's it hanging? If you said "not sufficiently," then we've got a solution for you! All you have to do is choke down a big penis.

000 stimulant SD S3 sexual 000 Pm 2483 TB days PENIS male as0me 129 Big U.S.A. 000
Shenzhen Greenroom Biotechnology Co. Ltd.

Pro tip: If saliva isn't doing the trick, try washing it down with jelly.

It's a crazy, messed-up world when the most honest advertising we've seen in decades comes from the world of shifty pill vendors. There's no misunderstanding of what you get from using Big PENIS. There's no delightful wordplay involving euphemisms like "Solid Oak," or "Iron Rod," or "Dense Pencil." You're getting a Big PENIS. And not just any Big PENIS. No, Big PENIS comes in an austere metallic box that looks like the slipcase for a Terminator 2 DVD, complete with the flag of the United States. Because thanks to Big PENIS, your junk can now be used as a flagpole, apparently.

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
skeeze / pixabay

Make Big Penis Great Again.

French Ladies Will Flood Your Vagina With "Exiting Water"

The name "French Ladies" brings to mind elegance, class, and sophistication. The packaging does absolutely none of those things, and indeed, only seems interested in reminding women that vaginas exist. You know, in case they forgot.

te French LADIES 4 i S tanC A02NGINES For Sma Domik Chra EXITING Conoir WATER Ser gy ugsar 6ve09 Urge Pasion and Sole Sexual Cool ml 8Boriles
Guangzhou Xuanjie Trading Co.,Ltd.

This is what Jack from Titanic's finished drawing would have looked like if he hadn't died.

However, this product does promise users something called "super constrict vagina," which is a phrase that demands further investigation. The words "exiting water" only compound the mystery, seemingly suggesting that this is medication for a urinary tract infection. Let's see how the description checks out:

After taking the product 5 minutes, she will feel a strong sexual desire. And then she will itching all over her body. Her sexuality aroused, thus he
Via everychina.com

Uh, so this pill makes you spray "vagina juice" like a fire hose for 20 minutes? There's an off switch though, right? Let's keep reading.

extremely itching and comfortahle I the thigh and lower abdomen. Ho body will get extraordinarily sensitive, along with the constant rhythmic constric
Via everychina.com

Because loud, semiconscious moaning is never a sign of excruciating pain or impending death.

OK, so is this a date rape drug? Because it sure sounds like a date rape drug.

We Really, Really Hope Big Brother Is An Orwell Reference

To its credit, Big Brother doesn't promise to turn your junk into a monster or transform your sperm into chocolate milk. They're simply good ol' fashioned dick extenders.

O BIG BROTHER tr ooredpe AVERCA A DO
Super Generation

"Fun for the whole family!"

It's just ... the name, guys. It raises more questions than these pills ever will penises. Why would you ever call your sex drug "Big Brother"? Did the final name come down to a choice between that and "My Sister Is DTF"? If so, why?

Or perhaps we're misreading this. It's not incest; it's a commentary on the surveillance state and how Big Government (a much better name, to be honest) is destroying our privacy. That would explain why there's a surveillance camera in the top-left corner of the box.

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
urbansnaps - kennymc / Flickr

"Slower ..."

Daniel Craig And Barack Obama Are Secret Agents Of Male Enhancement

Seeing as how Daniel Craig has reportedly retired from being James Bond, this'd be a great time for him to capitalize on his smoldering looks and get into the penis pill business. Unless, as God Of War suggests, he already did that years ago.

ANO E GOR F WAR COn OF WAR L381 -l JLE 1500- teie
MMC

Not that this wouldn't be in character for Bond.

We can't blame him. It's a good career move. After all, what other celebrity has the raw sexual magnetism to spearhead their own line of male enhancements?

0 7001 noeee t e Obama 3 STOxsRROee AtXS8omn
AFP News Agency

"Obama. Aobama."

That's fucking right: Barack Obama. These pills were recovered during a drug raid in Pakistan, making this the first time he's ever deployed a deadly weapon on a civilian population that wasn't fired from a drone. They could probably do with a rebranding, however. We'd suggest Cum-ander In Chief, and maybe getting some better pictures instead of plagiarizing artwork from a Spider-Man comic.

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
AFP News Agency, Marvel Comics

We mean, there are multiple pornographic Obama manga to choose from.

And while we're on the subject of superheroes ...

African Superman Will Make You Feel Both Racist And Inadequate

Imagine you're settling down for a night of passionate lovefucking. You dim the lights, pop the champagne, and pull out your tin of African Superman ... only to see your partner's eyes wilt like a penis-shaped snowman in a hot breeze, because until this very moment, they had no idea you were an insane racist.

iylo yyli SUPER CONCENTRATION 322&6 Yrrican SUPERMAN male sexual stimulant - exceed VOra and cials The best salable product of the worid MMC ONE 10 6a
MMC

"Thanks for the modeling gig! So this is going on some bodybuilding supplements or something?"
"Or something."

Boasting its status as "the best salable product of the world," African Superman aims to conquer your feelings of sexual inadequacy by implicitly promising to give you the ass-crushing fortitude of a robo-diesel black man. And hey, if the relationship doesn't work out, you can keep the reusable tin as a wallet or something, so that everyone you meet will instantly know what a fucking idiot you are.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic ...

America Superman Is A Big Ol' Can Of Dick Powder

The greatest thing about America Superman is that the manufacturers clearly intended for this to be displayed proudly on your mantle, alongside your hunting trophies and collection of woodworking tools.

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
Ubat-Ubat Kuat Store

And when the pills run out, you can use the can to store Grandpa's ashes.

A dick pill container which gives no indication that it contains dick pills might actually be worse than one decorated with X-rated Street Fighter characters -- with those, at least you know what you're dealing with. America Superman could be a box of stickers, for all we know. Until you open the can, that is.

Luckily, American Superman offers a subtle grammatical distinction that makes these pills doubly patriotic -- and presumably more likely to cause fireworks to erupt from your urethra, judging by their promise of "eternal itch."

Open this side FURC 100% AMERICAN maojiensdescuna.com SUPERMAN ass.Permanence tablet SEX 180 One Dose Lasts For Hours Cest 100mgX 4 EN Hital Grains EN
Guangzhou Maojie Trade Co., Ltd.

That or they assume the type of sex you'll use this for isn't the most sanitary.

It's also nifty that they managed to synergize this with Man Of Steel.

TOP-Class.Permanence tablet SEX 180 One Dese Lasts Hours 100 4 Grains ENDLESS ORGASMS ETERNALITCH erie
Guangzhou Maojie Trade Co., Ltd., Warner Brothers Pictures

"YESSSSSSSSS!"

Fantasy Capsules Know That All Women Love Nicholas Sparks

Fantasy Capsules are for women only, which presented the manufacturers with a unique challenge: "How do we market to a demographic we clearly do not understand?" Luckily, they solved that problem by immediately asking themselves another question: "What is the one thing that all women like?" The answer, of course, is The Notebook.

hoa GPVEe  Fantasy Capsules FOR WOMEN ONLY
Ayurved Research Foundation

"It's bulletproof."

And before you go accusing the makers of Fantasy Capsules of plagiarism, look a little closer.

BEHIND EVERY GREAT tOve 15 A GREAT XTORY RYAN GOSLING TAMIS GARNER SAM SHEPARD RACHEL MCADAMS GENA ROWEANAS LOAN ALLIN FROMTHE BEST-SELUING SYEL -THE
New Line Cinema

"That guy had a beard."

That's right. Further demonstrating their immense level of respect for both women and the sexual supplement industry, they took the time to Photoshop Ryan Gosling's beard off. Your move, intellectual property lawyers.

Sueper Sex Is A Time Bomb For Your Dick

If you were to stand before a Congressional hearing and declare that the best kind of broken English is the broken English found on dick pill boxes, Sueper Sex would be a varsity piece of corroborating evidence. Every bit of the indecipherable madness on its packaging could be used to defund any public school in the nation.

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
Basketbawful

This is a kaleidoscope of blind, feral insanity, reading at a second-grade level.

Let's try to decode some of these messages. "Time delay release" clarifies that you won't be springboarding into devastating waves of fuck destruction as soon as the pills hit your tongue. However, "one becomes effective for man only" is a guarantee being delivered by a disembodied screaming head, which makes us uneasy.

Wait a minute ... is that Dwyane Wade?

12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design
Electronic Arts

Working for EA Games is a lot like taking time-release penis explosion pills.

Rock Har Sex Pill Promises To Help You Fuck Like A Men's Right Activist

Selling sex pills to the sexless sounds like a fool's errand, and yet here is a box of dick medicine with a picture of a guy from /r/theredpill on the front.

2o Hoalnd 30JIO'TOM reap THorg OT TIONORORO opraha EB COme 2068. ax YETOCN est Hepe3 10 MHHYT nocne DpHHSTHH cocoGHOCT LANEO VBCTOBaT MOMINYHO 3 RCTHR

"M'boner."

Judging by the fedora and the tiny chocolate dragon emblems, this is the only pill on the market exclusively meant to be used for angry masturbation. Either that or Jake and Elwood Blues are powerfully erotic figures in Russian culture.

Hard Ten Days Is Woefully Inaccurate

In the business of selling genital superpower pills, it must be difficult not to embellish the effects of the final product. However, that's a risky strategy -- if you promise people endless orgasms, unlimited lubrication, and an erection that can chisel mountains, you best be able to deliver. With that in mind, here's Hard Ten Days.

i B AGRALM OF SOON THE EPFCT M EVLS A NEGHT HARDTEN DAYS CHGAETIRIES P+F wan SHL ONTTICNTE IELAWUMRETIT DOWINNG 4500.. 61 SEX AR ESB 1 9R EORAA

This looks like easily the second most awkward board game to play with your parents.

Firstly, it's good that their product will improve kidney function. That'll certainly come in handy, what with the amount of water you'll be drinking to make sure you don't accidentally squirt out every drop of fluid from your body and wind up a dried-out husk. But wait, what's this?

Hard Ten Days can effectively activate PDA producing factors of adrenal gland, renew sperm, accomplish multi-ejaculation and multi-orgasm. It can quic
via 007slim.com

So that's what the Beatles meant by "eight days a week."

180 hours? That's only seven and a half days. How are we supposed to enjoy a debilitating weeklong erection if you can't even deliver on the promise of your name, Hard Ten Days? That's unacceptable. We'll have to take our money elsewhere. Probably back to Big PENIS.

You can find Adam on Twitter. You can also email him, if you're into that sort of thing.

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