It seems pretending to be a doctor is a Florida thing, because another teenager was arrested in Miami after posing as a physician's assistant for nearly a week before being caught. He was arrested again a year later for impersonating a police officer after he pulled up beside an off-duty cop and told him to buckle his seat belt, because karma is occasionally an ironic singularity that collapses the universe around it.
Fox News' Recurring Ex-CIA "Terrorist Analyst" Was A Big Liar
Fox News has somehow simultaneously become the media outlet Democrats hate most and the best network for presidential debates. Their focus tends to be on how much danger we're in most of the time, and if our angry uncles on Facebook are correct, we are in a lot of danger. That's why we need to hear from people like terrorism analyst Wayne Simmons.
Simmons claimed to have 27 years with the CIA, and was therefore well-suited to yammer on such topics as the Middle East and turrists. He was eventually invited by then-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to join a group of former military and intelligence officers who had found second careers as TV analysts to come and listen to briefings in an effort to boost support for the Iraq War, which then began an even more vicious cycle of misinformation.
Wayne Simmons / Facebook
"So what type of crazy shit did you do in the CIA?"
"I can't tell you, but rest assured, I only did it to brown people. Let's go on TV and hate them together."
Simmons become a more frequent Fox News guest, appearing on Bill O'Reilly's show to agree with Bill's suggestion that the US used "mind-altering drugs" to interrogate Saddam Hussein. Simmons justified this by saying he had seen drug cartels do much worse.
"Pablo Escobar, Tony Montana, I've seen them all."
He would go on to make other outrageous statements with the potential to endanger national security. Last year, Simmons claimed that he had a plan that would wipe ISIS out in one week -- which, he was very careful to explain, was not hyperbole. To be clear, his master plan amounted to dropping a whole bunch of bombs on them. In addition to being totally insane, this stood in direct contradiction to a claim he'd made a month earlier, when he humbly explained, "I'm not a military planner. I'm an intelligence guy." Indeed, it would seem that he is neither of those things, and that instinct would turn out to be exactly correct.
Absolutely no part of Wayne Simmons' background was true. After spending over a decade as an analyst for Fox News, writing an undoubtedly shitty spy thriller and conning his way into defense consulting positions and a freaking security clearance, Simmons was busted for making the whole damn thing up by a real CIA superior who met him and saw through his bullshit. Simmons blamed his actions on Benghazi, of all things, and got indicted on a truckload of fraud charges.
Thomas Dunne Books
This alone is worth a weekend in federal prison.
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