The news reads like somebody gave a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and then set the building on fire. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

EEPHPTRIR FLIGHT 181, carrying 70 people from Alexandria to Cairo... WAS HIJACKED and diverted to Cyprus by a man named Seif El Din Mustafa, who was w

SUICIDE UAD MAY BE FACING RESHOOTS. Sources report that Warner Bros is investing tens of millions of dollars into the upgrades to add more humor and

An alert gun shop owner in Ohio may have foiled a mass shooting. John Downs, owner of Downs Bait & Guns, refused a rifle sale to a customer even thoug

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/5)

CALIFORNIA WILL RAISE ITS STATE MINIMUM WAGE TO $15 PER HOUR BY 2022. The plan will affect the wages of 43% of the state's workforce, who currently ea

THE FBI HACKED THE SAN BERNARDINO SHOOTER'S IPHONE. FBI The hack comes after Apple refused a court order to help the Justice Department access the dat

THE U.S. CAPITOL COMPLEX WAS PUT ON LOCKDOWN WHEN 66-YEAR-OLD LARRY RUSSELL DAWSON PULLED OUT A REALISTIC- LOOKING PELLET GUN PISTOL AND POINTED IT AT

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/5)

A 60-FOOT-WIDE SINKHOLE OPENED IN TARPON SPRINGS, FLORIDA. The sinkhole, which was estimated to be 35 feet deep, damaged a 30-inch sewer main and forc

UNKORN REMAINS WERE DISCOVERED IN KAZAKHSTAN. Sort of. The discovery of a fossilized skull of the Siberian unicorn was reported in the American Jour

Soft drink consumption in the US is at a -year low. Demand has dropped steadily over the past 11 years, with declining diet soda sales being the large

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/5)

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