7

Bun B Would Like To Know More About Your Boner

Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

The Lyrics:

What's up with that bulge in ya khakis
You wanna pack a gat but you still ain't got the pull to come and jack me

What He Means:

Bun B of Underground Kingz finds it annoying when people carry concealed weapons around him, especially if they don't actually have the street cred necessary to confront him.

How It Comes Off:

There is a man nearby with a visible erection that Bun B couldn't help noticing, and he would like to know more about it.

Scott Gries/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"Imma grab any dick I feel like. Mine. Yours. I don't give a fuck."

6

The Members Of Onyx Love Abducting Hunks

Def Jam

The Lyrics:

My theory is fuck it!
Sexy niggas get abducted

What They Means:

Onyx offers an alternate route to escaping poverty: kidnapping fashionable motherfuckers. If you look good, you probably have money. If you have money, they're going to kidnap you and hold you for ransom. Because they enjoy money, which can be exchanged for goods and services.

Universal Music Group
It's gangsta rap's version of judging a book by its cover.

How It Comes Off:

Onyx is having a hard time hooking up with attractive men based solely on the merits of their own looks and personality. They have thus resorted to abducting hunks off the street, in order to have sex with them -- or "fuck it," in their own words. It's disturbing enough that they want to kidnap men and rape them, but that they refer to other human beings as "it" shows classic signs of psychopathy. Seek help, Onyx.

5

Joe Budden Is Up For Late-Night Bedroom Shenanigans With Other Rappers

eOne Music

4

DMX Is Nostalgic For That Part Of Jail

Paramount Pictures

The Lyrics:

SUCK! MY! DICK!
And while you niggas that's been to jail before know, it's about to get thick
Let's get it on baby

What He Means:

Did you know DMX has been in jail? He would like to remind you that he has, and that he's very good at fighting.

Def Jam
And just as good at avoiding them.

How It Comes Off:

The phrase "let's get it on" is pretty ambiguous -- it can mean "let's fight" or "let's fuck." You'll have to figure out which by using context clues. When the phrase in question is preceded by an order to perform fellatio, because he's "about to get thick" -- one can be forgiven for assuming the lines are sexual in nature. Combine all that with the reference to people in jail knowing what DMX is talking about, and it sounds like he's bragging that he fucked his way through prison and is about to unleash those terrible skills on free men now.

3

Jadakiss Can't Help Himself, Makes Out With The Guy He's Robbing

Matthew Eisman/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

The Lyrics:

You already know what it's about when I run up in your house
Put the gun up in your mouth, and get the money out the couch
Hearing you out is senseless, perhaps, for instance
I'll give this faggot a French kiss

What He Means:

Jadakiss, as a member of The Lox, states in this collaboration with Biggie Smalls that if you see him running into your house, you should know he's gonna steal your money and then shoot you in the face.

How It Comes Off:

Shoot you with a big ol' smooch, that is!

Def Jam
"Pucker up, motherfucker."

The first three lines of Jada's verse prepare the listener for a chilling tale of vicious crime, but then it turns into a romantic moment without warning. Jadakiss later explained in an interview that it means he's going to employ the kiss of death, but in no culture is that referred to as "a French kiss." See, this is why you just can't invent new slang on the fly. If nobody knows your alternate meaning when you say "I'll give this faggot a French kiss," they are forced to assume you simply mean you'll give that homosexual a tongue bath.

2

Eminem Just Wants Ja Rule To Hug Him Tight And Never Let Go

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

1

Redman Is Nonchalant About The Oversized Member In His Mouth

Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

The Lyrics:

I got Tic Tacs in my mouth, with a big dick!
But it don't matter

What He Means:

Redman is informing us that he's having some refreshing Tic Tacs and also, by the way, his penis is large.

Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"They won't let me pull it out on stage, so I brought Kevin Hart for scale."

How It Comes Off:

Or, two things are in his mouth right now: Tic Tacs and a sizable member.

There are so many different, unambiguous ways that he could have expressed this idea. "I've got Tic Tacs in my mouth, and a big dick in my pants." "I have a big dick, and I also have Tic Tacs." "I'm eating Tic Tacs. I'm also well endowed." We've personally used many of those in the past. But no, he had to go with the one phrasing that makes it sound like somebody's getting a wintergreen blowjob from the star of How High.

Andrew is the vocalist of a rap duo, the Ghost Dance Cult. If you check out their debut EP here, he promises you won't hear anything that belongs on this list.

Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!

For more ridiculous moments in rap history, check out 6 Musicians Who Made Entire Albums Just To Say F#@k You and 6 Albums By Rock Legends That Were Thinly Veiled 'F#@k You's.

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