This brings us up to Daly's role in World War I and the Battle of Belleau Wood, where the then-First Sergeant risked his life to extinguish an ammo dump that had been struck by enemy fire. Two days later, with his unit pinned down and outgunned by the Germans, Daly walked up and down the line, cheering on each of his machine gun positions and straight-up daring any German bullets to hit him. When he judged it time to launch a counterattack, Daly leapt toward the enemy and shouted, "Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?!"

The Aftermath:

Surprisingly, his men didn't answer back, "Yeah, that actually sounds great!"

Department of Defense
"I didn't even know that was an option!"

The taunt rallied his fellow soldiers, and Daly led an attack during which he (true to form) singlehandedly eliminated a German machine gun section with a .45 and some grenades. He was recommended for a third Medal of Honor, but someone up the chain downgraded it to a Distinguished Service Cross, maybe figuring that Daly was getting bored with the things by now.

It's not entirely clear when Shriver earned the "Mad Dog" moniker, but it's possible that it was in relation to Klaus, a German Shepherd that he'd brought back from Taiwan and which was his closest companion. Once, Klaus yorked on the floor of the Mess after some recon men gave him beer as a gag, and they rubbed his nose in it and threw him outside. When Shriver got wind of this, he went in, drank a beer, set a revolver on the table, and dropped a deuce on the floor. He said, "If you want to rub my nose in this, come on over." No one did.

US Army
And Klaus was promoted to squad leader.

In 1966, Shriver's recon team was surrounded by North Vietnamese Army soldiers in Cambodia. AK-47 fire rained down on them from all around. As a Forward Air Controller watched the enemy close in on the team from overhead, he radioed down to Shriver with perhaps the biggest understatement of the war: "It sounds pretty bad."

"No. No," Shriver responded. "I've got 'em right where I want 'em, surrounded from the inside!"

The Aftermath:

Clinking through life as a goddamned walking arsenal comes in handy once in a while. Perhaps not shockingly, turns out it really helps during wartime. Shriver and his team shredded the jungle like they were in the minigun scene from Predator, putting a tear in Mother Nature's eye and countless bullets and grenade fragments in their NVA aggressors. The attackers were driven back, and with some overhead help from the FAC, the team was safely extracted.

US Army
Mad Dog chose to hitchhike back to base.

Eventually, Shriver succumbed to an overdose of toxic masculinity. On April 24, 1969, on approach to the Central Office for South Vietnam as part of the Hatchet Force, his team was pinned down by a machine gun bunker. Shriver rushed the bunker and ... went MIA. He was 27 years old -- or 189 in Mad Dog years.

The bridge thus seriously, seriously uncoolly cleared, the English army swarmed across and gave the Vikings such a spanking that the Norse never invaded Britain -- their traditional punching bag -- again.

The Aftermath:

Had the Mexican army's prayers for more ammunition been answered, it would have delayed the inevitable, but ultimately, the Battle of Churubusco (not to mention the greater war) was a hopeless endeavor for Mexico, and the USA has "Texas, California, Nevada, Utah, most of New Mexico and Arizona, and parts of Colorado and Wyoming" to prove it.

wellesenterprises/iStock/Getty Images
Hey, you know what, Mexico? We'd be willing to let you have some of that back.

Despite his reckless nature, Lassen distinguished himself with his ability to win battles while taking few casualties. He had a complete lack of regard for danger, and was often noted for his ability to read the terrain and then reach and destroy his objective with lightning speed. This was a man who was at his best when surrounded by chaos. He was brutal, he was violent, and his hatred for Germans was legendary.

And you know what else he hated? Goddamned paperwork.

You see, after a battle, officers are expected to file an operational report -- a rundown of events that the bigwigs can analyze to help improve future operations. And Lassen was having absolutely none of that shit. His reports consisted of a mere five words: "Landed. Killed Germans. Fucked off."

The Aftermath:

As you can imagine, this aggravated his superiors. However, as we've already mentioned, Lassen didn't give a shit, and when pressed to give more details, he would only respond, "It's done. What else is there to say?"

German National Archives
"You know who else does paperwork? HITLER."

And he continued to get it done until April 1945. After landing in northeast Italy, Lassen (now a member of the Special Boat Service) and his commandos encountered German sentries. Lassen led an attack on a German machine gun nest and took it out using only a pistol and grenades. Then he did it again. When he made ready to dick-slap a third, the Germans signaled their surrender.

Unfortunately, Lassen made a fatal mistake: He trusted Nazis. When he approached, the "surrendering" Germans opened fire. Lassen was mortally wounded in the belly and midsection, effectively ending the initiative, and when his men tried to get him to safety, he demanded to be left behind to avoid slowing them down. We sincerely hope that, in his honor, they refused to file paperwork on the incident.

British MOD
Which is why, 71 years later, we have chosen to file a final after-action report even he would approve of. Hopefully.

Jorden Weir wants to promote his wife's awesome photography business. Check out her Facebook page! Adam Koski isn't a badass, but if you will dare listen to the short story he wrote with his brother, then you must be one! Abraham is a Mexican lawyer, and when he isn't doing lawyery stuff, he writes comedy! You can say hi to him on Twitter or visit his DeviantArt.

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