'Twas the week before Christmas and jack squat was accomplished in work places and schools across the world. Instead, you shared the ever-living hell out of these.
Stephen Colbert's persona always faced the hard truthiness.
"It has become increasingly clear that the percentage of humanity that actually appreciates satire is incredibly small. For many, it's like being color-blind. They just can't do it."
Star Trek now shamelessly trades in on fans' love for the original series by bringing us Kirk, Spock, Bones, and the rest, and throwing in a few fun references for die-hard Trekkies while completely failing to grasp what people liked about Star Trek in the first place.
"It's almost as if they're deliberately trying to destroy Star Trek's fanbase and replace it with four-quadrant action fans. ... Yeah, that's exactly what they're doing. See, there's no money in genre science fiction. The big bucks are in widely-recognized properties that can be sold to every single person on planet Earth."
Your DIY gas mask will make you the toast of the riot.
"Life is tough and the little things too often only make it tougher. But here are some tips for making life's minor annoyances less annoying."
You tried, Sweden. You tried...
"The ship was later raised from the depths and dragged to a museum, presumably as a warning to other monarchs about meddling with shit they don't understand."
"They just think she's nuts. But deep down, she's really an animal..."
"No matter how lighthearted the original may have been, you can rest assured that if a movie comes back today, shit is going to be dark."
It's almost as if vaccines are really helpful or something!
"We know we've come a long way with our technology, but sometimes looking at the past while looking at the present really puts things is perspective."
"Die Hard so perfectly represents the Christmas spirit, it makes It's a Wonderful Life look like a brutal Nativity-themed snuff film by comparison." -- Robert Brockway
"A Charlie Brown Christmas doesn't teach Charlie Brown the meaning of the holiday by putting lit cigarettes out on his face until he learns to appreciate warmth, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer doesn't learn that everybody is special in their own right by being thrown into Auschwitz, and The Santa Clause doesn't teach Tim Allen that he should've loved his son more by skinning him alive and covering him in ants."
Wonder Woman's case for creationism is pretty ironclad.
"The dynamic duo behind the website Texts From Superheroes is back with another look into the personal conversations of your favorite pretend protectors."
The dark side. The dark continent. Smells ripe for fan theory-dom...
"Watching the Star Wars films, we see a lot of crazy shit going on. But, for those of you who never ventured further than the movies, it turns out that stuff is tiddlywinks compared to what the Expanded Universe is putting down."
With 50% as much cool and 100% as much death.
"Watching the news, it's clear that the real world is a lot like the Star Wars universe, in the sense that there are lots of people getting limbs hacked off by religious extremists."