The news can seem like a crossover between the Saw franchise and Groundhog Day. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

THE FILM RIGHTS TO ZOE OUINNS GAMERGATE MEMOIR, CRASH OVERRIDE, HAVE BEEN BOUGHT BY PASCAL FILMS CSONYI. Scarlett Johansson is rumored to be the front

BLOOMINGDALE'S APOLOGIZED FOR PUBLISHING A CATALOG AD THAT HINTED AT DATE RAPE. SPIKE YOUR BEST FRIEND'S EGGNOG WHEN THEY'RE NOT LOOKING. The the was

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/17)

REPUTED MOBSTER VINCENT ASARO WAS ACQUITTED OF ALL CHARGES STEMMING FROM THE INFAMOUS 1978 LUETHANSA HEIST THE LARGEST CASH ROBBERY IN U.S. HISTORY AT

JOEL HODGSON, the creator of the beloved television series... MYSTERT SCIENC THEATER 3000 is reincarnating the series with both old and new cast membe

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/17)

GARY ALEN LANE, a man from Mclntosh County, Oklahoma, was arrested for SHOOTING LIVE AMMUNITION at actors participating in a Civil War reenactment. Hi

AN OHIO MAN'S LIFE WAS SPARED FROM A TRAGIC PLANE CRASH BECAUSE HE WAS OUT BUYING HOT POCKETS. A charter jet crashed into a small four-unit apartment

MICHAEL SZELIGA, a Pinellas County, Florida, COUNTY deputy, was disciplined after he INELLAS SAEFEIS OFFICE ARRIVED STAGGERINGLY DRUNK to a MADD (Mo

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/17)

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/17)

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