Following the news every day will make you wonder why Matt Damon didn't just ask to stay on Mars. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

Move over, Walter White... According to the DEA, HEROIN has now overtaken methamphetamine a as the nation's number one drug threat, with law enforceme

Source: Time

Appearing on television 22 minutes a night clearly broke me. I'm pretty sure I can produce a few minutes of content every now and again. Jon Stewart

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/10)

A MISSISSIPPI MAN HAS BEEN ACCUSED or DETONATING A HOMEMADE BOMB AT A WALMART BECAUSE THE RETAILER STOPPED CARRYING CONFEDERATE FLAGS. Marshall E. Leo

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/10)

Source: News.com.au

A TERMINALLY ILL MAN WAS GRANTED HIS FINAL WISH TO SEE AN EARLY SCREENING OF STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Daniel Fleetwood was diagnosed with spindle

Source: TMZ

CHIPOTLE TEMPORARILY CLOSED 43 RESTAURANTS IN SEATTLE AND PORTLAND AFTER AN OUTBREAK OF E. COLI SICKENED 20 PEOPLE. Chipotle shares dropped 2.5 percen

Source: Bloomberg

THE MAYOR OF SEATTLE DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY OVER RISING HOMELESSNESS. Citing the deaths of dozens of homeless people this year, Mayor Ed Murray

A NEW STAR TREK TV SERIES IS SCHEDULED TO DEBUT IN JANUARY 2017 It will be produced by Alex Kurtzman, who co-wrote the two most recent Star Trek movie

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/10)

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/10)

Source: Yahoo News

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