The music video for the above song, "$timulated," shows the 25-year-old Tyga slobbering all over the littlest Kardjenner, in case anyone had any doubts that this was about her. In another delightful track from the bombed album, he says:
"I did it! I wrote the 'Lemon Incest' of the 21st century!"
Tyga denied the songs were about the then-17-year-old Jenner, but as soon as her age changed to "legally capable of consent" some months later, they confirmed they were dating. The only suitable coda we can give this dumb-as-balls tale is that "$timulated" features a prominent sample of Robert Miles' cornball 1990s EDM anthem titled ... wait for it ... "Children." [CUE 10,000 RIMSHOTS, THUNDERING FOREVER]
George Lucas ... Damn, Guy
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We know what you're about to say, readers. Yes, we are psychic, and no, George Lucas is not in any danger of going bankrupt anytime soon. This is a man who is so amazingly rich that when he received $4 billion for selling his franchise to Disney, he gave basically all of it to charity because he didn't need it. So no, the man will never have to work again. But that's also sort of the problem.
Earlier this year, fans were surprised to see Lucas browsing Midtown Comics in Times Square. He apparently spent 15 minutes wandering through the store, looking at all of the Star Wars comics and paraphernalia while his driver waited outside, probably looking forlornly through the car window while sad orchestra music played in the background. He bought some comic books, signed one for a fan, and even posed for a picture.
Look at him. He has the countenance of a mama bird whose baby bird has left the nest forever. Also, that baby bird is a 1 million-ton nuclear hell phoenix who has a 9-mile-long wish-granting scimitar for a beak.
The face of a man whose children grew up and all immediately applied for restraining orders.
Also, did you know a new George Lucas movie came out this past January? No? Well, you're not alone. Nobody fucking did!
His latest project -- a critically lambasted CGI fantasy musical called Strange Magic that he wrote for his daughters -- was the worst-performing animated film in cinema history, and the 7th-worst performing film that opened in more than 3,000 theaters. For comparison, the newest Dragon Ball Z film made over $8 million domestically in fewer than 1,000 theaters, compared with Strange Magic making $12 million in 3,000. For a yet more depressing comparison, Revenge Of The Sith banked $380 million domestically.
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"The movie got no press, because reporters kept asking me, 'What is Chewie's favorite pizza?'
And I can't legally answer that anymore."
Poor George. All he can do now is retire early with $5 billion, a 4,700-acre estate, his wife, and his four children. But what kind of a life is that?
Also check out 7 Famous Actors Who Lost Their Minds Getting Into Character and 7 Celebrities With Weird-Ass Pre-Fame Lives.
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