The news is like a shrill fire alarm that screams 24 hours a day, because really there's always something on fire somewhere. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

A14-YEAR OLD BOY WAS ARRESTED FOR IBRINGING A HOMEMADE CLOCK TO SCHOOL Ahmed Mohamed aspires to become an engineer at MIT. After showing his clock to

Tennis Player James Blake tackled by police in case of mistaken identity

Source: CNN

Nickelodeon starting Splat, a new network dedicated to 90s era cartoons


Arnold Schwarzenegger to replace Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice

Someone is cutting cables in California in order to create widespread internet outages

Source: USA Today

Court says Fair Use should be considered before internet copyright takedown requests

Jiang Sulian had to have large diamond removed from his butt after smuggling attempt

Source: BBC

Chunk of ice falls off plane, smashes through home

Source: L.A. Times

New Mary Poppins movie being made, set 20 years later

Source: Vanity Fair

Heather Blackwelder rescued after trapped in car for two days after accident

Twelve tourists killed in Egypt when their group is mistaken for terrorists

Source: CNN

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