The Murderous Ventriloquist
Christian Television Network
Ronald Brown vindicated people's fear of ventriloquist dummies in the same way that John Wayne Gacy vindicated people's fear of clowns. Brown was a Florida puppeteer who landed a gig on a Christian Television Network kids' show called Joy Junction with his dummy, Marty, who hailed from a particularly terrifying province of the Uncanny Valley. Despite frankly sucking at ventriloquism (his mouth would often clearly move), Ron and Marty appeared on the show throughout the '80s and '90s, teaching kids about wholesome Christian values.
And yet the sight of the dummy proves God is dead.
Brown was arrested in 2012 after authorities discovered that the man who warned a generation of kids against "dirty pictures" possessed enough child pornography to fill an aircraft hangar. But even regular child porn was too vanilla for Brown. According to journals discovered in his house, he expressed desires to cook and eat children, and had drawn up a butcher's diagram of a child's body divided into steaks. He'd also been a member of an online community of baby-eating fetishists, because you literally can't imagine an activity that doesn't have a bustling Internet community dedicated to it.
Noam Galai/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"Just gonna save some time; yup."
Thankfully, Brown was thrown in prison before he could actually act on his fantasy of kidnapping and devouring infants. So if you're still scared of ventriloquist dummies, just remember that it's OK, the dummy can't hurt you. But the operator will totally eat your babies. What? Is that not comforting?
Yes, horror movies exist in real life. Know what else? Curses. Like the cursed tomb that probably caused the largest, bloodiest invasion of World War II. Or how everyone who has had the telephone number 0888-888-888 has died. See those and more in The 6 Most Strangely Convincing Real-Life Curses and 18 Insane Coincidences That Will Make You Believe In Curses.
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