The news reads like a very long PSA on why civilization was a bad idea. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

FEDERAL AGENTS FOILED A PLOT TO KILL JADE HELM 15 SOLDIERS. Believing Jade Helm 15 to be a government conspiracy to impose martial law nationwide, the

MORE MILLENNIALS ARE LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS, DESPITE ECONOMIC RECOVERY AND LOWER UNEMPLOYMENT. A recent study found young adults, ages 18 to 34, ar

CHRYSLER HAS BEEN HIT WITH A MASSIVE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT It was recently revealed that a 2014 Jeep could be hacked wirelessly and have its brakes, st

India's Supreme Court recently BANNED ACCESS TO 857 PORN SITES on their country's Internet. POIN Then almost immediately LIFTED THE BAN after g social

SONY PICTURES HAS DATED SEVERAL OF ITS UPCOMING FILMS, INCLUDING TWO MORE BAD BOYS SEQUELS. Money Monster - -4/8/16 The Shallows 6/24/16 Ghostbusters

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (8/11)

NETFLIX IS NOW OFFERING ITS EMPLOYEES UNLIMITED MATERNITYIPATERNITY LEAVE FOR UP TO 1 YEAR. NETFLIX Cynics are complaining that this may backfire, as

A 35-year-old man from Shanghai HAD HIS LEFT FOOT AMPUTATED after it became stuck while he was cleaning an escalator that was still running, despite s

Envision Media Arts is developing an animated film based on R candy and dispensers, written by Cameron Fay. WHY? Because, to quote their CEO... We've

Rap star Snoop Dogg WaS recently traveling through an airport in Calabria, Italy, while carrying $422,000 IN CASH. Since it was well over the amount o

The Montgomery Elementary School in Mercersburg, PA, was recently CLOSED due to a recurring infestation of BROWN RECLUSE SPIDERS. Pesticides are being

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