Conveniently, her heart is located literally directly underneath her tonsils. Either Alicia was born with some major defects or she is representative of the ergonomic slug beasts humanity will inevitably evolve into. Whatever the case, this is probably less of a theme park attraction and more of a place medical students go to learn about abnormal development.

Theme Park Review
Or she's losing weight on the Daenerys Targaryen diet.

Moving along, the ribcage is illuminated by more shitty black lights as we make our way into her vitals and JESUS CHRIST SHE'S PREGNANT.

Theme Park Review
Sleeping so peacefully like that, you can hardly tell he's the Antichrist.

Alicia, we're sending out a task force to find who did this to you, because we're betting it was a cruel medical experiment. Alicia is clearly suffering. We know this not because her heart is in her throat and not because she's pregnant but because her femur is attached to her large intestine, and it looks like Escher's poop fetish made manifest in a science exhibit.

Theme Park Review
Bye, Alicia.

We're going to attempt to actively avoid toilet humor here, but holy shit is it going to be hard. Crap, already screwed it up! Dammit. Porcelain! FUCK.

Anyway, the Restroom Cultural Park is the brainchild of a man named Sim Jae-duck, affectionately nicknamed "Mr. Toilet" because of all of his work in sanitation. He was responsible for the push to improve city toilets during the 2002 World Cup and helped found the World Toilet Association. When asked, "If you love toilets so much, why don't you marry them?" he probably laughed before retiring to the bathroom to make out with Mrs. Toilet.

The idea behind the Restroom Cultural Park is to celebrate humankind's rise from pooping behind trees with all of creation ogling to defecating in peace and privacy like kings. Unfortunately, the park uses statues mid-excretion to make the point. So, yes, there are lots of statues of people pooping. Here's a mom catching her kid's poop, for some reason:

Haewoojae
"What can I say? The dog likes to be hand-fed."

There are statues pooping on cinder blocks and crying about it:

Haewoojae
You would too if you ran out of Charmin and had to use a pine cone.

There are naked butt cheeks squirting happy anthropomorphic poops on murals:

Reuters / Kim Hong-Ji
"Hi, we're your burger and fries from yesterday!"

And for anyone who's ever fantasized about playing on a statue of dookie, you're not going to find a better vacation destination than the Potty Park.

Reuters / Kim Hong-Ji
Imagine if John Hammond cloned dinosaurs, euthanized them after two months,
and then started selling tickets.

There's a little bit of something here from every person's LSD-induced hallucinations, including hatching dinosaurs with dongs for noses:

Prater Vienna
The rare and terrifying dildophosaurus.

Giant babies taking abnormally small adults for a walk:

melissatoandfro

And even a mutant fly baby with a television head, vomiting in technicolor at your feet:

dreamalittledream.ca
The same thing happened to any TV ever tuned to The Tom Green Show.

Even one of the kiddie rides starts out innocently enough -- with dioramas of fairy tales, like a whimsical scene of Hansel and Gretel playing on a seesaw. And while it's still more tame than other areas of the park, it quickly devolves into the realm of horror:

dreamalittledream.ca TV
"Who wants a nice, heaping plate of Chef Boyardee Gretelroni?"

Because certain sections of the park are tailored for children, most people are going to bring them along, which is bound to prompt some awkward conversations with your kids about fairy anatomy:

dreamalittledream.ca
"Son, the fairies are just doing a naked rain dance. Don't look."

Admission to the park itself is free, provided you attribute no value to your soul.

You walk up to the building and peer through the barred window, because why the fuck wouldn't you? This is the weirdest thing you've seen all day. Inside, you see a life-sized doll strapped to a table with another doll standing over it, holding a watering can.

The words "DONT WORRY IT'S ONLY A DREAM" are printed on the wall, but this only angers you because of the punctuation issues, and you're a pedantic jerk when it comes to grammar.

David Smith

That's when your eyes come to rest on the dollar slot below the window with the huge "ONE DOLLAR" arrow pointing to it. You shrug and feed a dollar into the slot. Surely they wouldn't use your childhood love of SpongeBob to lead you astray.

Suddenly the dolls spring to life, and the standing one upends the watering can on the other's face. You recoil in pure terror from what you now realize is a waterboarding simulator.

NY Post
"Fun for the whole fami- GLURGH! AAAGLH!"

Somehow, this thing actually existed. The "Waterboard Thrill Ride" (one of those words is not like the others) was constructed by an artist named Steve Powers to criticize the U.S. use of waterboarding by ... tricking children into watching robots do it?

Sleep well tonight, children.

The idea of Parque EcoAlberto is to discourage potential illegal immigrants from continuing 800 miles north to the American border, and for $20 you too can schedule yourself a practice run. The experience includes sirens, dogs, yelling members of the border patrol, and drug smugglers. The only complaint we can come up with is that the fun lasts for only three hours.

Irina Zhorov / Fronteras
And the cocaine's only 10 percent pure, the cheap fucks.

Having never illegally crossed the border ourselves, we can't speak from personal experience on this one, but we do wonder how much of the attraction is realistic and how much is scare tactics drummed up in the prevention effort.

Irina Zhorov / Fronteras
"Ma'am, put your hands on your head and say, 'I will never flee to the USA.'"

Though we do suppose it's possible that U.S. soldiers and the Mexican cartel are involved in every real border crossing ...

Irina Zhorov / Fronteras
"Dad, are we having fun yet?"
"Quiet, son, or the nice cartel man will kick you in the head again."

Disney's "It's A Small World" is probably the most iconic theme park ride of all time. Because of this, cheap knockoffs have started to pop up in China, where copyright law is worth about as much as German money after World War I.

"Small Worlds" (subtle, we know) is a ride in Suzhou Amusement Land in China that mimics the popular Disney ride, but all the kids were lifted from Children Of The Corn.

Theme Park Review
"It's a small world. There's nowhere to run."

If you and your kids happen to escape the horrible demon children, you'll be subjected to a wide range of intellectual property theft that puts Internet torrenting to shame. This ride has it all, including Chip and Mrs. Potts, the living glassware from Beauty And The Beast:

Theme Park Review
Be our feast, be our feast.

Tigger and a band of ragtag Hundred Acre Wood Muppet impostors:

Theme Park Review
"I've come here to eat hunny and maul babies. And I'm all out of hunny."

And if you run into danger (possibly from those zombie children), you can always call on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Voltron to come to your aid:

Theme Park Review
When Voltron isn't busy giving the Turtles shit about how Michael Bay never ruined him, anyway.

And because just one of these monstrosities couldn't possibly be enough, China spawned another "Small World" knockoff ride called "Joyland At Action Park" (not to be confused with New Jersey's famed murderworld).

Theme Park Review
90 percent Beauty And The Beast, 10 percent Bride Of Chucky

We wouldn't have thought it possible, but some of the imagery in this version of the ride is even more terrifying. There's a creepy diorama of tiny people tying down and climbing on a giant:

Theme Park Review
The Jolly Green Giant clearly has a jolly giant debt to pay off, if this is where he's working now.

Not to mention a few huge severed hands lying around:

Theme Park Review
The giant in the first image didn't make out so well ...

And what kiddie ride would be complete without the creatures that slither in and out of your darkest dreams?

Theme Park Review
They're what Satan has at his used-car dealership.

But at least all of this is unintentionally scary. It's kind of adorable that they're trying to capture the innocent splendor of the original and failing so catastrophically. It's clearly just an innocent mista-

Theme Park Review
WHO WOULD DO THIS?!?!?