Japan's Death Row Theme Park
You might think that death and amusement parks go together only when some teenager jumps the roller coaster fence to retrieve his phone, but Japan would like to have a word with you. In the usual Japanese tradition of celebrating the horrifying, they opened a death row prison museum on the historic site of the now-defunct Abashiri Prison. And it's just down the road from the actual death row!
Alex Hoban / Vice
Just off by 500 yards ... and years.
The park's hilarious description on its own website reads like a creative writing student's essay about Japanese history:
One day, a government official with a fine beard came to the village. The official walked around the village and then climbed a mountain. And the found a spot he was looking for. On the north here was the Sea of Okhotsk, and Lake Abashiri was on the south. Lake Notori lied on the Westland a big river drifted at the foot of the mountain. "Oh, great. This is it! It is hard to escape from here. And it is easy for us to keep an eye on them."
And if a tour isn't enough to quell your hunger for ancient Japanese prison history, they have a cafeteria where they sell prison-style meals so you can ... eat what the prisoners ate? Yum?
Toilet sake costs extra.
The park is filled with wax statues so that you can get the authentic prison experience we know you've all been dying for. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to sleep in a common bed with half a dozen other hardened criminals, Abashiri is the vacation destination for you.
They even sculpted the prisoners' faces so that you can tell which one is making a dutch oven.
But we know what you're really thinking: What does it look like when naked, tattooed Yakuza gang members chill out in the group bathtub? Wonder no more!
Alex Hoban / Vice
They even sculpted the guard's faces so that you can tell which one is seething with size envy.
The prison museum went so far as to include mock trials in the experience, because everyone knows you are tried inside the prison where you eventually serve your sentence, doy.
"You are found guilty by the court. I sentence you to mock execution."
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Also be sure to check out 5 Insane Theme Parks You Won't Believe Were Almost Built and The 5 Most Unsettling Disney Theme Park Easter Eggs.