Watching the news is a lot like watching the new season of True Detective, only with even more angst and ridiculous mustaches. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

THE HOME OF SUBWAY'S JARED FOGLE WAS RAIDED BY THE FBI AS PART OF AN APPARENT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY INVESTIGATION Fogle's computers and mobile phone were

Source: IndyStar

The 12 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/14)

According to recent market research, sales of the APPLE WATCH HAVE PLUMMETED since its release, in April. But, nobody seems to know why. Suspiciously,

A Michigan doctor was recently sentenced for INTENTIONALLY MISDIAGNOSING 553 PATIENTS WITH CANCER CAUTON $ CHEMOTHERAPY OUPEE ORUG OBSERVE Pr ECAUTION

Source: Reuters

SEVERAL HSBC BANK EMPLOYEES IN THE U.K. WERE FIRED AFTER STAGING THIS MOCK ISIS BEHEADING ATA TEAM-BUILDING OUTING THEN POSTING THE VIDEO ONLINE Their

Source: BBC

Cracked.com C Many people were outraged when a TSA spokesperson recently tweeted an image of a passenger's bag at Virginia's Richmond International Ai

A federal judge has ruled that Time Warner Cable must pay 229522 to a Texas woman for making 753 ROBOCALLS to her cellphone in less than a year, haras

Source: Reuters

MARKZUCKERBERG SAYS THE FUTURE OF FACEBOOK IS TELEPATHY. He is already envisioning a world where people will be able to transmit their Facebook though

Source: CNN

Michael K. Williams, who portrays Omar Little on The Wire and Albert Chalky White on Boardwalk Empire, CONFIRMED that he will be cast in the upcomin

Source: IGN

The Calleguas Municipal Water District in California is suing the actor TOM SELLECK for alleged water theft, claiming he repeatedly filled a commercia

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