10 Michelle Wolf Jokes for the Hall of Fame

‘Brides will say things like, ‘It’s my special day.’ But how do you call it your day if your dad’s paying for it? I think it’s his day, and I think it’s a really weird day for him. He’s paying a ton of money to make sure a man has sex with you that night’

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 10

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/7)

By:
Mt. ZION A.M.E. CHURCH

Judging by the news, the world is kind of like Jurassic Park, only if the dinosaurs were in charge of security. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

THERE IS NO OFFICIAL RECORD OF HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY POLICE EVERY YEAR. THE FBI AND CDC HAVE INFORMALLY TRACKED POLICE SHOOTINGS, BUT THOSE NU

MARIJJUANA IS NOW LEGAL IN OREGON. Governor Kate Brown signed H.B. 3400, which allows the retail sale of marijuana and significantly lowers sentencing

CHICACO HAS ENACTED A 9% CLOUD TAY FOR ONLINE SERVICES SUCH AS NETFLIX, SPOTIFY. AND XBOY LIVE. YELLS AT CLOUD OLD MAN Etenew'veri wtt Myo'i Liras: le

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/7)

Source: AFP

Despite recently denying rumors of their imminent split-up as tabloid bullshit, BEN and JENNIFER AFFLECK GARNER ARE GETTING DIVORCED after 10 years

Of Africa's 1+ billion population, only about 12 percent are on Facebook. That's not nearly enough for Mark Zuckerberg, So he's determined to attract

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/7)

A PHYSICALLY HEALTHY 24-YEAR-OLD WOMAN HAS BEEN GRANTED THE RIGHT TO BE EUTHANIZED BY DOCTORS IN BELGIUM. She has suffered SUICIDAL DEPRESSION for mos

EARL SIMMONS, better known as the rapper DMX g was recently arrested prior to performing at Radio City Music Hall for issues outstanding - including

IN JAPAN, A CALICO CAT WAS ENSHRINED AS A GODDESS AFTER HER RECENT DEATH. The cat, named Tama, became orld-famous a tourist attraction after being app

Source: AP

TOM CRUISE IS TO MAVERICH SET REPRISE AS AN OLD-SCHOOL AVIATOR, NOW OUT OF PLACE IN THE IMODERN WORLD OF UNMANNED DRONES, IN AN UPCOMING SEQUEL TO...

VACCINATE YOUR CHILDREN. IT'S THE LAW IN CALIFORNIA STARTING JULY 1, 2016. Gov. Jerry Brown signed SB277, which requires California school children to

AT LEAST THREE OF THE SEVEN RECENT CHURCH FIRES IN THE SOUTH WERE CAUSED BY ARSON. The fires took place in predominantly black churches in the wake of

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Forgot Password?