Screw whatever your parents told you. You'll get far more attention doing weird shit than keeping on the straight and narrow.

5 Things Girls Don't Seem to Understand About 'Nice Guys'

Thankfully, niceness can be corrected with a newspaper smack on the nose, or a couple of solid heartbreaks.

10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 6/28

"Nice guys think their good intentions make up for their pathetic failure to deliver. They're the Democratic Party of boyfriends."

"The less lucky ones might find themselves impaled on a spike, or neck-deep in a communal toilet filled with months of hobo shit. Which shouldn't sound any worse than normal shit, but it somehow does, doesn't it?"

8 Racist Words You Use Every Day

Congratulate someone with a hearty "Hip Hip Hooray!" today? It's adapted from "hep hep," a German rallying cry that was uttered while Jew hunting in the 1800s.

ie Ia tae Crr 9l n In N adi mna'ker Dlay: n. O -Dea, dEr) K nithis a-Cr o Dene' dir Ot Ie HsS 716 50e 7 ae

"Have you ever worried that, no matter how hard you try, you'll just never be racist enough? Well, you're in luck."

We Light Your Scrotum On Fire: 6 Realities Of The Morgue

Even when you know that it's just air escaping the body, hearing a corpse moan is shit-your-pants scary nearly every time.

10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 6/28

"Because of limited space, after we cut away the front half of your ribcage, it might just end up wherever happens to be most convenient, like on your face or genitalia, where it will rest like a nightmarish bone bikini."

A 30-Second Guide to How the Gay Marriage Ruling Affects You

Now that gay marriage is the law of the land, we're sure you have many pressing questions. Let David Wong set you straight!

10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 6/28

"If You Are a Heterosexual and Do NOT Want to Enter into a Homosexual Marriage: You will not be required to marry a gay person. This is a common misunderstanding. This decision actually does not affect you in any way."

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