Continue Reading Below
"The less lucky ones might find themselves impaled on a spike, or neck-deep in a communal toilet filled with months of hobo shit. Which shouldn't sound any worse than normal shit, but it somehow does, doesn't it?"
10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 6/28
-
Cracked Writers
·
- June 28, 2015
Screw whatever your parents told you. You'll get far more attention doing weird shit than keeping on the straight and narrow.
Thankfully, niceness can be corrected with a newspaper smack on the nose, or a couple of solid heartbreaks.
Continue Reading Below
"Nice guys think their good intentions make up for their pathetic failure to deliver. They're the Democratic Party of boyfriends."
To keep these paint-wielding strangers out of their stomping grounds, the homeless set up elaborate, and sometimes lethal, Home Alone-esque booby traps.
Continue Reading Below
Aaaaaaand our Facebook intern just left us for Chipotle. Great, now *we* have to do this.
Continue Reading Below
Continue Reading Below
"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang [my Vice President] John C. Calhoun."
Continue Reading Below
Gee, guys, we're starting to think that maybe Christopher Columbus isn't the best role model.
Continue Reading Below
Continue Reading Below
FUN EXTRA WRINKLE TO THIS STORY: in 2014, Rachel Dolezal encouraged people to boycott 'Exodus: Gods and Kings' for casting white actors as Africans.
Continue Reading Below
Congratulate someone with a hearty "Hip Hip Hooray!" today? It's adapted from "hep hep," a German rallying cry that was uttered while Jew hunting in the 1800s.
Continue Reading Below
Continue Reading Below
"Have you ever worried that, no matter how hard you try, you'll just never be racist enough? Well, you're in luck."
Even when you know that it's just air escaping the body, hearing a corpse moan is shit-your-pants scary nearly every time.
Continue Reading Below
"Because of limited space, after we cut away the front half of your ribcage, it might just end up wherever happens to be most convenient, like on your face or genitalia, where it will rest like a nightmarish bone bikini."
Continue Reading Below
Continue Reading Below
Now that gay marriage is the law of the land, we're sure you have many pressing questions. Let David Wong set you straight!
"If You Are a Heterosexual and Do NOT Want to Enter into a Homosexual Marriage: You will not be required to marry a gay person. This is a common misunderstanding. This decision actually does not affect you in any way."
Recommended For Your Pleasure
More Articles
5 Of The Most 'Wuh?' Facts History Class Never Covered
These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.
249
- By E.M. Caris
- /
- January 21, 2020
5 Historical Landmarks (That Are Total Frauds)
Some of the most historical sites in the world are just trying to compete with Disneyland.
145
- By Alex Hanton
- /
- January 18, 2020
5 Towns Ruined By The Movies Filmed There
We're not sure if you've noticed this, but movie fans can get a little ... obsessive.
197
- By Steven Assarian, Zanandi Botes, Jordan Breeding, Casper Orens, Jon Kaulay
- /
- January 15, 2020
6 Great Historical Places (That Are Dumb As Balls In 2020)
Here are a few historically important sites to which time has been more than unkind.
101
- By Kelly Stone
- /
- January 22, 2020
4 Reasons Traveling Around The USA Totally Sucks
Pretty much everything about our transportation network is royally screwed.
151
- By Adam Wears
- /
- January 13, 2020
5 'Old' Things That Are Way Newer Than You Think
Believe it or not, this stuff wasn't always there.
135
- By Taylor Daine, E. Reid Ross, Mike Bedard, Abraham Mireles, Christian Markle
- /
- January 14, 2020
16 Comments