The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (6/9)

The news media is the equivalent of thousands of strangers walking up to you saying, "Oh my god, this meat is rotten! Here, smell it!" No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):