The world is like a zoo, only one where all of the exhibits have been replaced by howler monkeys who are constantly screeching, masturbating, and flinging their own feces 24 hours a day. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

THE LOS ANGELES CITY COUNCIL VOTED TO INCREASE THE CITY'S MINIMUM WAGE TO $15/HOUR BY THE YEAR 2020. RAISE THE MINIMUM 15 WAGE 15 15 15 15 NOW 5 Calif

CRACKEDCON Maggie Gyllenhaal stated in an interview with The Wrap: I'm 37, and I was told recently I was too old to play the lover of a man who was 5

Source: The Wrap

DWAYNE JOHNSON HAS CONFIRMED HE WILL RETURN FOR FURIOUS 8. HE IS ALSO IN TALKS TO DO A SPINOFF FILM CENTERED AROUND HIS CHARACTER, HOBBS. FURIOUS 7 HA

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/26)

Source: NPR

RESEARCHERS HAVE CREATED HOME-BREWED HEROIN BY DEVELOPING YEAST STRAINS THAT CONVERT SUGAR INTO OPIATES. Then they dropped all their work and asked la

DIRECTOR GEORGE MILLER HAS CONFIRMED MORE MAD MAX SEQUELS FEATURING TOM HARDY. THE NEXT MOVIE WILL BE CALLED MAD MAX. THE WASTELAND. According to Hard

LEGENDARY PICTURES RELEASED THE FIRST IMAGES OF THE ORC WARCHIEF ORGRIM FROM THE UPCOMING WARCRAFT MOVIE. ORGRIM WILL BE VOICED BY ROBERT KAZINSKY. TH

Source: Wired

RABBI NATAN ALEXANDER IS SELLING KOSHER VIBRATORS FOR ULTRA-ORTHODOX JEWS. Actually, even among the ultra-orthodox, most sex toys are technically kosh

DESION STUDENT: PROPOSEDTHIS EARTH FLAG CONCEPT FOR A GRADUATION PROJECT, AND IT WENT VIRAL. While the design isn't necessarily garnering universall

Source: Wired

PRESIDENT OBAMA G HAS STARTED A TWITTER ACCOUNT. Fnans 65 26M Tueats Tweets A reclies Photos & videns President Obama New to Twitter? Dad pushane art

Source: NY Times

GOOD NEWS FOR UBER CUSTOMERS. BAD NEWS FOR UBER DRIVERS. Uber recently snatched up 50 employees from the Carnegie Mellon Robotics Lab and has tasked t

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