A different probable Ikea was hit for over 800 packs, if our Swedish math is correct. A police press officer offered up an official bemused shrug, stating "I have no idea why chewing gum has become such a popular thing to steal. It has no value unless you steal so many packages." Uh, dude, you kind of addressed your own confusion there. But here's a possible explanation the investigators seem to have bypassed: It's Romania's fault. In 2012, England went through a similar gum-related crime spree, which was the work of Romanian thieves. It turns out that in Romania, packs of gum are often used instead of pocket change. Oddly enough, as we worked on this article, "large-scale store thefts of chewing gum" were reported in the dick shrub capital of the world (Windsor, Ontario), and an international crime gang hasn't been discarded as an explanation. A possible member was caught on tape while relieving a store of some packets:
Dude, you've got Snickers right there.
By the time you read this, the gum bandits might have even reached your city. In the meantime, Sweden continues its investigation, with police planning to stake out baseball diamonds, convenience store parking lots frequented by rebellious pre-teens, and additional Ikeas.
An Elderly Man's House Has Been Egged Over 100 Times In A Year
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Egging houses is one of those pranks that's hilarious when you're 13 or Justin Bieber, but once you get older or less of a shithead, you realize that it's a particularly annoying act of property damage. We consider it a titanic struggle to clean up after we fuck up an attempt at a fancy omelet flip, so we can only imagine the annoyance an 85-year-old Ohio man feels at his house getting egged on a consistent basis since March 2014. These are no normal eggings, though -- whoever is doing this throws the eggs from at least a couple of blocks away, apparently using some sort of launcher or catapult.
Or chickens fed a literal buttload of ex-lax.
"Somebody is deeply, deeply angry at somebody in that household for some reason," reads the official police statement, which offers little useful information beyond additional proof that making statements is kind of skimmed over at police academy. Is this one of those old men who gives out pennies and toothbrushes on Halloween? Is Ohio's mad pooper branching out to chicken-butt-related crimes? Did someone once comment that the house's exterior would look nicer in eggshell white and there's been a horrible misunderstanding ever since?
The homeowner seems oddly admiring of his attacker's accuracy, but being woken up at two in the morning by avian artillery can't be fun. To their credit, the police aren't screwing around -- they've held undercover stakeouts, installed surveillance cameras, canvassed the neighborhood, and sent the eggshells to the lab for testing, because apparently Euclid, Ohio isn't exactly a hotspot of criminal activity. Then again, when they aren't doing that, they're giving the egged home's owner citations for violating the city's housing codes with his ugly-ass facade.
"It's not the egg stains -- it's that atrocious green."
The cops even had a suspect, but he was ruled out when they saw him on the street "as an attack occurred in the presence of police." Unless that was all part of his plan. At this point, their biggest clue is that the culprits have access to a large number of eggs, so that narrows the pool of suspects down to anyone who knows what a grocery store is. There's even a $1,000 bounty on information. So if you've ever thought of entering the private investigation business and wouldn't object to a lifetime label of "The Eggcellent Detective" if you crack the case, this could be your big break.
You can read more from Mark, including the story of the mysterious culprit who won't stop blasting "Rico Suave" outside his bedroom window at three in the morning, at his website.
Also check out The 7 Most Incredible Crime Sprees Carried Out by Animals and 5 Criminals Who Were Hilariously Good at Escaping Jail.