Someone Has Been Throwing An Inhuman Amount Of Urine Down A Building's Garbage Chute
The residents of 301 Cumberland Street in New York City have a problem, and it's not other citizens making fun of their exceedingly British name. According to the Brooklyn real estate site Brownstoner.com, a low-budget Howard Hughes has been filling trash bags with urine and dumping them down the garbage chute, where they burst open in the basement like Satan's catheter bag. This isn't like someone throwing out dirty diapers -- we're talking Naked-Gun-level urinations, like the amount of water you'd bring with you on a long camping trip, or a small Coke at a movie theater. It's disgusting.
And yes, of course we have pictures.
We're a little offended that you'd even ask.
One of those trash bags can hold 50 liters, while an adult bladder can hold up to 600 milliliters (unless you're in the window seat of a six-hour flight, at which point it inexplicably shrinks by 90 percent). So either someone is carefully bottling their urine for later distribution, or a resident is secretly keeping a herd of goats as pets. Worst of all, the communal laundry room is located in the same basement where the golden tsunamis periodically take place, so the whole building now stinks for a variety of reasons.
The building's management was long aware of the problem, but never felt a pressing need to address it, possibly thinking that if they could hold their concerns in a little longer and get through the day, they'd avoid any embarrassing incidents. When residents forced the issue, presumably with an email that read "Look, we live in New York, we already deal with more than enough human waste," management heroically put up the following memo:
"If you keep doing this, we'll be forced to move you to one of our Long Island or Jersey properties."