The world is a howling shitstorm of confusion, and no reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important news story. So, we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or fucking insane headlines from the last week (or so):

A giant asteroid impact zone spanning 400km (250 miles) has been discovered in the Australian outback It is FOUR times the size of the Yucatan Peninsu

Source: BBC News

RESEARCHERS HAVE UED A DNA-EDITING TOOL CALLED CRISPR- TO COPY THE GENES FROM FROZEN WOOLLY MAMMOTHS AND COMBINE THEM INTO THE GENOME OF AN ASIAN ELEP

As a for all you knuckloishment who bought tickets to the 2014 nose-enhanced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, filming for the sequel will begin in

Source: Uproxx

Steven Spielberg will direct the filmadaptattona of READY PLAYER ONE. ADIATORS bestseller Times York MatrEx. WEnehanting The wonka meets WITLY In the

Source: Deadline

POSSIBLY ROBBING US OF AN AMAZING SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY, A HALF- SHIPMENT OF SANITARY TOWELS CAKA MAXI PADS WAS CONFISCATED AT THE BEIRUT TINTERNATIO

Source: Reuters

A well-dressed man in England has been smacking people on the head for sneezing. Described only as being in his 50s and wearing a tweed jacket, the at

The German tabloid Bild claims to have obtained a transcript of the black box recordings from the doomed Germanwings Flight 9525. The published timeli

Source: CNN

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/30)

Source: AP

Senator Ted Cruz officially announced his candidacy for the 2016 presidential race. If elected, he promises to abolish the IRS and the Dept. of Educat

Source: Yahoo News

REJO'S EIXSTACOS ACO ACTOR DANNY TREJO IS OPENINE A NEW TACO SHOP CALLED TREJ0 S TACOS IN Los ANEELES. I'll take mine And do you validate to go, pleas

Source: Uproxx

JOHN URSCHEL, OFFENSIVE LINEMAN FOR THE BALTIMORE RAVENS CO-AUTHORED A 'RIDICULOUSLY COMPLEX PAPER IN THE JOURNAL OF COMPUTATIONAL MATHEMATICS. THE 6'

Source: Bloomberg

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