As you've probably long figured out, countries like Saudi Arabia deal with women worse than a first-grader petrified of cooties. You'd think the absolute last thing they would allow within their borders would be something like a sex shop. Well, according to The Huffington Post, IBTimes, the Metro, The Independent, and the Malaysian Digest, the Saudis are about to do exactly that. A man named Abdelaziz Aouragh, who already owns a halal sex shop in the Netherlands, is about to expand his empire and open one in Saudi fucking Arabia.
"Well the whole 'fucking' thing is kind of the point."
Obviously, for a society where women risk a public flogging for showing too much wrist, a porn store must be like learning basic addition one day, advanced calculus the next. But according to these reports, Aouragh's shop will be 100-percent Islam-compliant, as in "no dolls or vibrators." They will only sell "products that increase feelings of sensuality and improve the atmosphere between the couple in [their] sexual relationship."
Are you confused about what the hell that might mean? Well, it doesn't matter, because this store isn't happening. Shockingly, the media heard the word "sex," aimed for maximum clicks, and never bothered to check the source. Because if they had, they would've discovered Aouragh would simply like to open a sex shop ... somewhere. He actually doesn't have a store -- in the Netherlands or anywhere else. All he has is a very particular set of erotic products designed for the modern Muslim that other stores sell. None of which are in Saudi Arabia.
Aidar Ayazbayev/Hemera/Getty Images
"Are you sure they don't have one in the other Mecca? Isn't it like Disney World/land with those?"
In fact, when the website France 24 spoke with Aouragh, he made it perfectly clear: "I have been to Mecca numerous times, but I have never once contacted Saudi authorities about selling my brand there ... that is complete fiction." Furthermore, he rejected the very idea of a halal sex shop, saying, "A sex shop itself can't be halal," since very few sex shop objects would be permissible under Muslim law.
So a guy sells a few erotic products and would like to maybe someday perhaps have his own store, one that follows the Muslim rules of decency. And the media turned that into "sex shop opening in Saudi Arabia!" What'll you say next, clickbaiters? That ISIS is opening up a porn studio on the Mexico-US border?
We should probably stop giving people ideas.
Jason can be found on Facebook, Twitter, and in a sex shop near you. If his mom is reading this, he didn't mean sex shop. He meant flower shop. Where he's buying flowers for his mom. Phew, that was close.
Also be sure to check out 6 Ways to Keep Terrorists From Ruining the World and 8 Terrifying Life Lessons From a Former Terrorist.