William Seabrook Eats Human Flesh, Pretends African Cannibals Gave It To Him
It's commonplace for online writers to subject themselves to untold agonies for our delight and, most importantly, those sweet, sweet clicks. (Hell, we have a whole team do that regularly.) That said, nothing could ever top what one 1930s journalist, William Seabrook, put himself through for sweet, sweet ... uh, page-turns?
Anyway, our point is: He ate someone.
And not in the usual way journalists do to advance their careers.
Whilst travelling in West Africa, Seabrook stumbled upon stories of a tribe well-known for being cannibals. Clearly desperate for some exciting dinner party anecdotes, he ventured out with the aim of documenting their savage practices, as well as trying them out for himself. With his mouth. They immediately told him to piss off, serving him some gorilla meat as a consolation prize, which is the cannibal version of getting Pepsi when you specifically asked for Coca-Cola.
Undeterred, he traveled to France and bribed a hospital porter to provide him with a chunk of human flesh from the mortuary. We'd like to think that someone asked him why he didn't do this in the first place and thereby bypass the risk of being turned into cannibal poop. They were probably avoiding him, though -- he was one of the first people to write about zombies in America, and given his dietary habits, we're guessing no one wanted to be around when he turned.
He always carried a light snack to the office in case a meeting ran long.