It's the ongoing dream of every journalist to break the next big news story, be it another Watergate Scandal, O.J. Simpson trial, or Donald Trump announcing his Presidential candidacy via a torrent of dry rectal wheezes. In fact, breaking an important story is such an all-encompassing dream that some reporters won't even think twice about flat-out lying to get that extremely uncomfortable Jacuzzi full of Pulitzer Prizes they all so desperately crave.
6TV Station Lazily Edits Peaceful Protest, Makes Everyone Look Like Maniacs
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images
When a local Fox affiliate aired footage of a protest held in the wake of the deaths of Eric Garner and Michael Brown, two young black men killed by police officers under questionable circumstances, viewers were shocked to hear the crowd chanting, "We won't stop, we can't stop, so kill a cop," like a Miley Cyrus / Ice-T mashup remix.
Calling for the death of a random civil servant is bad enough, but this particular protest followed the murder of two police officers in New York City. Clearly, the race war that Fox has spent the past several years warning everyone about was ready to explode:
Except, of course, for the part where that's not at all what happened. As it turned out, the protesters were actually chanting, "We won't stop, we can't stop, 'til killer cops, are in cell blocks." The news report left out those crucial last four syllables.
This was not an accident. The audio of the video, which was being presented by reporter Melinda Roeder and cameraman Greg McNair, was deliberately altered by looping of the phrase "killer cop" to make the protesters sound like a pack of bloodthirsty psychopaths.
They needed those extra two seconds to cover more sports.
After this shitshow was unearthed, the station apologized to the protesters for taking what was a peaceful call for justice and turning it into a murder chant. Both reporters were dismissed, although Roeder still found the gall to insist that she was "terminated without cause." In her defense, her contract didn't state that maliciously fanning the flames of a nationally sensitive subject was a fireable offense, because if it did, the entire Fox News organization would implode.
5Guy Invents A Batshit Sport Called "Monkeyfishing" For No Apparent Reason
Anup Shah/Stockbyte/Getty Images
In a 2001 article for Slate, Jay Forman described a trip he took to the Florida Keys, during which he witnessed a game wherein fishermen would tie apples to fishing lines and try and catch one of the several dozen monkeys living on an island where they had been bred for medical research purposes. The locals called the sport "monkeyfishing," because honestly, what the hell else would you call it.
Rosemary Calvert/Photodisc/Getty Images
Bobbing for poopslingers?
Immediately after the article's publication, the entire region descended on Slate to cry bullshit. The local officials said that they'd never heard of the practice. The research company that owned the monkeys said that the whole tale was impossible. Even the fisherman who accompanied Forman said that he had no goddamn idea what "monkeyfishing" was. In Forman's defense, his article does begin with the words "Once upon a time," which was presumably a subtle clue that the paragraphs that followed were utter fantasy.
Totally unrelated to the fact that everyone with a pulse was calling him a liar, Forman experienced a crisis of conscience and admitted that he'd made the whole thing up. He had really seen the monkeys, but Forman conceded that rather than rigging an elaborate fishing line to try and catch them, he'd settled for taunting them from his boat. You may recognize this activity as A) not at all related to fishing, and B) something an asshole would do.