Plenty of us grew up watching things like Transformers and Star Wars, because our parents felt reasonably secure in the knowledge that the most objectionable thing we were likely to see were a few laser blasts, a handful of explosions, and a woman in a metal bikini strangling an intergalactic rape slug to death -- certainly nothing that was going to give us nightmares or turn us into confused piles of prepubescent sexual frustration.
But as it turns out, those "kid-safe" franchises were just waiting for an opportunity to betray decades of parental trust in the most spectacularly pornographic ways possible, which is the only possible explanation for why we got officially licensed products such as ...
5
A Star Wars Art Book That Is Secretly Full of Nudity
Harry N. Abrams Publishers
Even if you're a huge Star Wars fan, it's completely acceptable to not have any idea who Aayla Secura is, considering the fact that she got approximately six and a half seconds' worth of screen time in the only watchable Star Wars prequel (she was the blue-skinned Jedi who got shot 900 times in the back with laser guns during the "Order 66" scene in Revenge of the Sith). For some reason, her official bio consists of more words than that.
Pictures always help. Let's see if this one rings any bells:
Harry N. Abrams Publishers
"Oh, of course."
Yep, that is Aayla Secura. And this isn't some random Photoshop snagged from DeviantART -- it's an officially licensed painting by Evan Wilson, hand-chosen by George Lucas himself for Star Wars Art: Visions, an art book featuring paintings by incredible artists like Alex Ross, Boris Vallejo and Jeremy Lipking. These contemporary masters united beneath the banner of Star Wars to create stunning illustrations such as "Darth Vader's Writhing All-Male Sleepover":
Harry N. Abrams Publishers
If you have any idea what the hell is going on in this picture, please email us at unsolved@cracked.com.
The book carries the official Lucasfilm seal of approval, and Emperor George even wrote the foreword himself, polishing off a package intended to help thousands of Star Wars fans polish off their packages.
Harry N. Abrams Publishers
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