Broomsticks Slacks: The Gangbang Slacks
Ever wonder what a Mormon gangbang looks like?
Romneys Gone Wild.
Five fully-clothed men wrenching a naked woman around by the arms doesn't exactly scream "playful." Sure, the woman has a halfhearted smile, suggesting it's all in fun. But you might recognize that as the same smile you give a man dressed entirely in bloody tin foil when he makes eye contact with you on the subway. It's the "I would like this to stop, but I also don't want to offend you because I enjoy having skin" smile.
Now check out that tiny text and relax! It's all a game. That game is Ring Around the Rosie, the girl is named Rosie and she is the game, as is any other woman unlucky enough to stumble into the all-khaki molestation circle.
Burlington Socks Sells Ankle Sweaters with Incest
One day an ad exec at Burlington Socks stood up in a meeting and said, "You know what this company needs to sell our products? Strong hints at incestuous blowjobs!" Security was immediately called, but they were away from the desk dealing with a bird that somehow got into accounting. What else could the ad team do then, but roll with the only suggestion on the table?
The commercial starts off with a little boy sitting in the kitchen. His attractive-in-a-borderline-unhinged-kind-of-way mother prepares something at the counter. Suddenly the little tyke looks up and calls to her. He says, "Can you sock me please?" And here's where it turns ugly: the kid has an unidentifiable accent coupled with a slight speech impediment, causing the resulting phrase to sound far worse than it already is. The mother walks over to him, tells him he's cute, then kneels down, her head going out of shot.
He barely touched his breakfast and already you're rewarding him? Some parent you are.
Then we see -- ha ha! -- his mother was only putting on his socks for him. Why, we were so wrong to assume the worst here. You got us, Burlington Socks.
"Sometimes she'll let me go barefoot."
Except wait, no -- "Can you sock me please?" is not a phrase that people say, and there's no damn speech impediment we've ever heard of that turns a soft "o" sound into a "u." This whole scenario was artificially engineered for the blowjob joke. And if you find yourself building an elaborate, Mousetrap-like setup to shoehorn child molestation into your sock commercial, maybe child molestation just wasn't meant to be this time, hey?
When he's not writing about couples being stuck at the hip, Tristanxg's making art that can be found on his Tumblr among other things. Be sure to drop by every now and again.
For more questionable advertising, check out 13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids and The 16 Most Hilariously Dishonest Old School Advertisements.
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