A Drunken Argument Over Flowers Results in a Topless Duel
via The Writers Helper
In 1892, at a grand musical gala in Vienna held by Princess Pauline of Liechtenstein, the Countess Kielmannsegg had the gaucheness to diss the princess' choice of flower arrangements. The two women bickered for hours over angry glasses of champagne and a few lines of snuff, until finally the princess threw Victorian social niceties out the window -- she wanted blood.
The women ditched passive-aggressive digs and instead opted to fetch Pauline's dueling swords. Two other noble ladies were selected as their seconds. Baroness Lubinska was appointed the doctor/MC, and we're assuming she was actually a man in drag, since she recommended that the princess and countess strip above the waist, to avoid infection from the swords pushing sweaty and possibly lead-soaked clothes into their wounds. The ladies disrobed, and thus followed a fancy Victorian topless girl-on-girl swordfight. You didn't even know you were into that, but now you totally are.
The Writers Helper
Even some of you that aren't into women at all.
Neither woman had ever actually used swords before, so for a few awkward minutes they just flailed about, bosoms and weapons heaving through the air. Finally, the princess opened a cut on the countess' face, and the countess in turn stabbed the princess through her arm. As if by some magical sixth sense, gentlemen heard the commotion, started gathering to watch, and totally ruined the whole vibe. The ladies were done fighting, the princess was declared the winner, and the Baroness Lubinska chased off the men with an umbrella.
The Writers Helper
And now you're hot for Victorian umbrella ladies.
This was considered to be the first "emancipated duel" in which both participants were women. It inspired copycat lady-duels as well as a very niche genre of art. So there you go: don't say we never gave you nothing; we just gifted you a new fetish and a head-start on the accompanying porn.
For more drunk ragers from our ancestors, check out The 5 Most Inspiring Things Ever Accomplished (While Drunk) and The 7 Most Unexpectedly Awesome Parties in History.
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