Well, unless you remembered to commemorate your little bundle of joy in your wallet. Or somebody else's bundle of joy. Really, any picture of any baby will do. Because as long as there's a baby picture in your wallet, you have much better odds of getting it back. (Note: We know how your brain works, and we are not advocating temporary baby theft -- just grab a stock photo off the Gerber website, friend.)
In an effort to see where common criminals draw the morality line, a group of researchers dumped 240 wallets in random locations and tracked which ones came home. Some of these wallets were equipped with a charity donation card, while others were stuffed with pictures of babies, puppies, families, or elderly couples. Some contained absolutely nothing aside from sweet, anonymous cash.
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It might help if Jackson looked a little cuter on the $20.
Only 15 percent of wallets containing nothing but money showed back up, while a mere 20 percent of those with charity cards did so. Photos of the elderly only returned 28 percent of the wallets, no matter how hard grandpa brought his selfie game. Wallets with baby pictures, on the other hand, were returned at an incredible rate of 88 percent. Even adorable puppies (53 percent) didn't come close. Clearly, realizing that the welfare of a small human is on the line flips the Empathy Switch in pretty much everybody, even wallet thieves. Sure, criminals are jerks, but they're not monsters: They see a baby picture in that lost wallet and they realize they'd be stealing from a young parent who probably needs the cash, or at least an infant who's really got his s**t together.
Don't be too impressed; no matter how sound his 401(k) is, you're still the one with dry underwear.