Since 2005, the NSA's CryptoKids characters have tried to steer the youngest Americans into embracing a fun and wacky career in code-breaking. Each CryptoKid has an elaborate backstory, which means that some poor bastard had to come up with nine different explanations for why an anthropomorphic squirrel would give a shit about cryptography. For example, there's T. Top, the Linkin Park-wannabe turtle whose hobbies include computer programming and consistently spelling "cool" like a douche:
Another bearded Web user posing as a 14-year-old.
And then there's Decipher Dog, the apparent leader of the kids. What's his "Favorite Project"? He's really stoked about that time he helped his stepmom set up a home Wi-Fi network ... which he says he monitors to see what programs his stepsister is using.
Decipher Dog says: "I know what porn you like, and I'm judging you!"