With an SAT score of 1500 back when that was only 100 points short of perfect, she was all set to attend the prestigious Barnard College when, according to her, music industry titans just called her up saying "Hey, be a pop star," to which she evidently replied "kk, fuk skewl lol."

Larry Marano/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images And then presumably bought Jem: The Complete Series DVD set.

Even now, Ke$ha refutes her party girl image, saying that she writes these songs because people think they're fun. Oh yeah, did we mention that she writes all her own songs? Even when the lyrics are all about giving you an STD in the parking lot, that's pretty impressive in an age where any pop star can just hire a bunch of suits to write the words you lip-synch to on stage. Don't let the spelling of her name fool you; Ke$ha is kind of an evil genius.

On a similar note ...

But Actually ...

Pink Floyd did not do drugs. Roger Waters has no idea why their music is associated with them.

Now, we're not going to say that members never dabbled in their youth, and founding member Syd Barrett's LSD abuse has been well documented, but according to keyboardist Richard Wright, they were clean by the time they were recording their most influential albums, long after Barrett had left the group. He flat out says, "If you mean Pink Floyd took drugs -- you're wrong. There is no way that I could play music and take any kind of drug at the same time."

Medioimages/Photodisc/Photodisc/Getty Images "Sixty-six keys? Fuck that; let's get some tacos."

And all those drug references peppered throughout their catalog? Just the kind of misunderstanding that comes from assuming that cryptic lyrics are always the result of too many weird-tasting mushrooms. Waters says that some of the songs that were mistaken for spaced-out drug references were actually about their love of English literature, and "Comfortably Numb," their most obviously drug-related track, was actually about an experience with heavy sedatives he was given -- against his wishes -- while hospitalized just before a concert. It looks like you're just going to have to turn to literally any other '70s rock band for your toking inspiration.

Slayer paved the way for Satanic thrash metal, incorporating upside down crosses into their logo and labeling sides of their albums "side 666" at a time when Marilyn Manson was just starting to cover his acne with clown makeup. Albums with titles like God Hates Us All and Christ Illusion left no doubt as to which side of the spiritual equation Slayer fell on.

But Actually ...

Araya isn't just religious, he is a devout Catholic. As some of you probably guessed decades ago, they are no more Satanists than Bryan Cranston is a meth dealer.

Weirdest episode of Malcolm in the Middle ever.

When asked about it, Araya starts sounding like that nice youth pastor with whom you're forced to exchange strained pleasantries every Sunday. He preaches Jesus' message of brotherly love and doing unto others, and insists that Slayer's music doesn't contradict the good word, because it's open to interpretation and all about doing what you love. (Although it seems pretty hard to misinterpret "Learn the sacred words of praise, hail Satan.")

Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images Well, sure, when you say all the words out loud like that.

All that Satanic stuff? Just an act, according to Araya. The shocking sacrilege is nothing more than a ploy to sell records and "scare people on purpose." He's kind of amazed that we never realized that: In his mind, it's so obviously satire that anyone who didn't get the joke shouldn't be allowed to read Jonathan Swift. He is the Stephen Colbert of the metal world.

If violence had a face, then surely it would be the meaty-lipped grimace of Sylvester Stallone. Of the two characters he's best known for, Rocky and Rambo, one punches people in the face for a living, and the other has a body count to rival some Third World dictators. If there's a problem that can't be solved by filling something with bullets, Stallone hasn't come across it yet.

United Artists And if that doesn't work, montage, montage, montage.

But Actually ...

If we asked you to come up with a list of the most liberal celebrities in Hollywood, you'd probably think of people like Sean Penn and Jane Fonda first while putting the collective cast of The Expendables somewhere down around 7,000th place. But while Sylvester Stallone, who recently starred in a movie called Bullet to the Head, obviously owes a great deal of his career to high-powered weaponry, he's actually a rabid anti-gun crusader.

Universal Studios Rumor has it he specifically made this movie to make handguns appear less cool.

And we don't mean one of those celebrities who passively condemns gun violence to avoid getting crucified by a blame-seeking media -- Stallone frequently attends gun control rallies and was an ardent supporter of a proposed bill to ban assault weapons. Sly first came to prominence as a gun control crusader after the shooting death of comedian Phil Hartman by his wife in 1998. Stallone went so far as to propose the repeal of the Second Amendment, saying that "Until America, door to door, takes every handgun, this is what you're gonna have."

Later, he made his feelings known after the Sandy Hook school shooting, calling for a ban on assault weapons in his own unique rhetorical style, demanding "Who ... needs an assault weapon? ... Who's going to attack your house, a fuckin' army?" All things considered, our safest option is probably to take all the guns and give them to Stallone.

Warner Bros. We're guessing his next move would be making hygiene safer with the three seashell thing.