Imagine you're taking a quiet stroll along the Norwegian coast when you stumble upon three stone swords thrust into the ground. Is it a test? If you pull them out, are you the rightful king of Norway? In a fit of righteous anger, did God himself stab the Scandinavian country with three 32-foot-tall swords? Does God hate pale people?
"And as I stab your Earth with these swords, so shall the sun stab through your melanin, pale devils."
Maybe. Or maybe the Sverd i Fjell monument was erected in 1983 to commemorate the exact spot where Norway was founded, but that's not nearly as interesting a story. If that's the one we're going with, the largest sword represents King Harald Fairhair, who crushed his opponents into submission during battle in 872, hopefully while wielding a sword that was the exact height as the one depicted here. That act alone makes up for having the last name "Fairhair."
The hilt of each sword is designed to honor a different part of the country, and they're a popular backdrop for wedding ceremonies. The fact that these weapons of the gods are seen by some people as a symbol of everlasting love, instead of a place to settle family blood feuds and hold beheadings, really goes to show you how badass Norway really is.
Joey Clift is a sketch comedy writer and performer living in Los Angeles. He's written bits and segments for Scare Tactics on SyFy, Tosh.0 on Comedy Central, and World's Deadliest on National Geographic Wild. Check out his sketch group on YouTube and Facebook.
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