Ha, no. If that had happened, you probably wouldn't just now be reading about it on Cracked. The man still went all out, though.
The problem with casting Tom Cruise as a professional assassin is that one of the necessary features of being one -- the ability to blend into a crowd -- is the one thing that Tom Cruise has no experience with. He's quite possibly the most instantly recognizable human in the world. He can't scratch his nuts without every celebrity magazine on Earth running it as a front-page spread. That was the first thing he had to fix.
To help prepare himself for that anonymous killer mindset, Cruise decided to pull an Assassin's Creed and learn how to blend in. So he dressed up like a FedEx worker and delivered packages to a crowded LA marketplace, all while trying his hardest not to be noticed by literally every person around him.
The amazing thing is, not only did he deliver the packages using the thinnest disguise imaginable ...
"So, how about that local sports team that I totally follow? Am I right?"