Cracked Round-Up: Olympic Edition

Does anyone else think London's whole star-studded Olympic opening ceremonies would have been a thousand times more awesome and more British if, at the end, a giant naked foot had stomped everything into the ground?


Luke McKinney started our week with some science, in his article on man-made materials you won't believe exist. Ian Fortey explained why some jobs anyone can do shouldn't be done by anyone. Christina followed up with a few insights on what makes bad CGI bad. Brockway showed us how a man can come to love a car and Bucholz showed why casual games deserve nothing but your ire. Cody closed us off with a look at the most meaningless arguments against gun control.



BAD COP
The 6 Most Popular Crime Fighting Tactics (That Don't Work)
Your tax dollars are at work, but they aren't exactly good at their jobs


Notable Comment: "We know all too well about the dangers of car chases... So many good fruit stands lost before their time..."

MitchG.Robot knows the true horrors of a police state run amok.

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PERSONAL UPGRADES
5 Ways to Trick Your Body into Being More Awesome
Smartphones aren't the only thing you can overclock.


Notable Comment: "It's impossible for some people to take a 15 minute nap. It typically takes me about an hour of lying in bed to fall asleep."

MikeBermingham, have you ever tried suffering a severe head injury? It's a great way to put yourself into nap mode.



POOR FORESIGHT
5 Movies Made Possible by Characters Who Suck at Their Job
Behind every great plot is a whole lot of poor decision-making.


Notable Comment: "If Keanu had said all that in the first place, then the entire movie would be a bus sitting on the side of the freeway (which would've been blocked off at this point) and a group of bomb squad technicians fiddling with dismantling the bomb. It would've been the most boring action film ever."

Well EriCritic, if that meant watching some guy disarm bombs instead of watching Keanu Reeves do anything, that would've been a plus.



REAL SCARY
6 Terrifying Bats You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
If any of these bats had run into child-Bruce Wayne he never would have stopped pooping his pants long enough to fight crime.
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Notable Comment: "Maybe my mom dropped me as a kid, but I think bats are f*****g adorable. The fact that most of them are also little wee things just makes it all the more so."

Well Stabby., is it possible you are the ancestral king of the bat-men? Because that's what we're going to assume until further notice.



EVILYMPICS
5 Creepy Things London Did to Prepare for the Olympics
When you really think about it, a handful of civil rights and unbelievable traffic is a small price to pay to see how fast a dude can run.


Notable Comment: "The opening ceremony featured Lord Voldemort being zerg rushed by an army of Mary Poppins's. Any criticism is now irrelevant."

Bisected8 knows the true value of freedom.





Mackenzie Beverly, Today's Topic
How Classic Disney Movies Made an Entire Generation Suck
You'll never look at your childhood the same way again.


YOU YOU YOU!
Famous Musicians (If They Were Still Around)
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Cartoon Characters That'd Be Horrifying in Real Life, Deleted Scenes That Change Your Opinion of the Villain, Famous Movies, If Stars Were Calling the Shots and The Silver Lining of Life Under Video Game Bad Guys.
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