Cracked Round-Up: Merkin Appreciation Day

Here's something you may not know about Cracked. In an effort to cut costs, management outsourced our healthcare to a cadre of mad scientists based on an abandoned oil rig off the coast of California. Our co-pays are extremely low, but we've had to agree to a certain number of 'experiments' per year in order to receive our cheap drugs and webcam physicals. Last year, one of those experiments caused a rash of sudden onset genital alopecia across the office. Sadly, its effects seem to be permanent. But our healthcare providers were kind enough to ship us a complimentary crate of 94% lice-free merkins, straight from Taiwan. Mankind gets to move forward, and our dignity stays intact. Win-win!

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Fortey kicked us off by looking at great ideas the Internet ruined. Gladstone was next with the unintentional ways college prepares you for life while Seanbaby hit on half-assed superhero backstories. Soren looked at humiliating ways to die online and Bucholz showed us the best ways to destroy highly-anticipated video games. John Cheese kept pounding on video games, showing us how Nintendo's E3 reveal proves they are insane. Brockway took us back a few decades with a look at how old magazines portrayed the ladies as Dan O'Brien brought us full circle with things you shouldn't use the Internet to do.

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5 Iconic Traits of Fictional Characters (That Are B.S.)
These are basically the fictional equivalent of rinsing off your dishes and calling them 'clean', rather than using soap.

Notable Comment: "Lots of internet tough guys here, but you wouldn't dare to say such things in front of Worf's face, would ya?"

What's he going to do, Summoner, fall off a staircase and die at us?

5 Famous Movies That Shamelessly Ripped Off Obscure Ones
One of the great benefits of being famous is the ability to rip off lesser-known artists and explain it away as an homage.

Notable Comment: "It's funny, this past Christmas I was watching "The Christmas Toy" with my daughter and noticed the striking similarities to Toy Story as well. No, that's not the funny part. The funny part is that I've been watching that movie since before I could read, as we'd taped it when it first aired, and I didn't notice the rip-off when I saw Toy Story years later. WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE?!?!"

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If we had to guess, OldChili, we'd say 'Pixar employs powerful wizards'.

5 Light-Hearted Movies with Dark Moral Implications
No writer can possibly think of every single implication of every aspect of their story. Which is why people like us have such great job security.
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Notable Comment: The comments section for this article is one of the deepest discussions of atheism, wizardry and Biblical scholarship you'll ever stumble upon.

6 One-of-a-Kind Things You Won't Believe had Duplicates
Millions of lazy people plagiarize research papers and book reports. A few bold souls do the same to world monuments.
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Notable Comment: "The Britanic, however, sunk after hitting a navel mine"

That's correct, MattDakus. Boat engines just aren't rated to handle that much bellybutton lint.

The 5 Worst Marketing Ideas Ever Put into Action
We're starting to think some companies actively hunt down and fire anyone who professes even a passing understanding of how people in the real world react to things.

Notable Comment: "I was working at Red Lobster when this went down. Seems their strategy was to bring out the second servings extremely slowly. Didn't help the tips much"

Wow BigJonB36, they were fools to think a little inconvenience could hold back the collective gluttony of America.

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Paul Bibeau, Adam Ganser
How Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard Came Up With Their Big Ideas
Every asshole in America was born from a single conversation.

21 Tiny Changes That Would Ruin Great Websites
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Terrifying Movie Adaptations of Children's Books, Science Lessons from Video Game Universes, Apps You Would Install in Your Brain and Alternate Interpretations of Warning Sign Symbols.
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