This is how much Popular Science was willing to sacrifice for our uni-wheel-based future: They were totally OK with being built into their vehicles permanently, with no possible means of exit.

December 1924
Men in Black III is looking at a lawsuit from the past future.

We make fun, but you have to admit: The future that Popular Science envisioned -- a hectic, frenetic place full of pencil-mustachioed men being pursued by the ghost bikers from Heavy Metal -- is way cooler than the Priuses and electric trams we ended up with.

The only benefit we can see to mounting a giant, completely unshielded propeller on the front of a train in place of an internal engine is that it could conceivably lubricate the tracks with the blood of sleeping hobos.

July 1934
"Ideally, we want a monorail that constantly crashes into the Empire State Building."

Oh! OK. All right, we're starting to see it now. They wanted to design a form of transport that mimicked a pair of boobies decked out with spinning tassels as closely as possible. We apologize for all that earlier nay-saying, old-timey Science; we're totally on board with that agenda.

And you, noble pioneer: We salute your stoic-faced determination. No, don't salute back. We understand. You have to hold on to those wings with your bare hands for some reason.

February 1935
Nothing says "thrilling" like being one well-placed rock away from castration.

And you, esteemed pilo-

OK, no. Listen, somebody has to be having fun on one of these damn things. If you're not, then just get off. It's our turn. And we'll show you how it's fucking done: Our "whee"s shall vibrate the oceans themselves.

November 1939
Didn't James Bond escape from these people at one point?

Oh, holy shit! Never mind! You guys can keep that one. What happens if he wipes out? He has no choice but to go straight into that open propeller behind him. That guy doesn't even look like he was supposed to be attached to that thing. It looks more like he went out for a nice between-war ski session when that screaming metal Beholder with a propeller for a face started chasing him down a mountain, leaving him no choice but to latch on to its arms and shred the rad -- shred the rad for his very life!

We get the concept, that two massive jet turbines could substitute the lifting power of wings with sheer engine force. And we can also concede that this design, goofy as it is, might be a predecessor of the modern jet. But try as we might to see the noble face of scientific advancement here, all we can make out is two flying toilet paper roll holders.

And also, if your lift and thrust is being entirely supplied by two giant turbines -- why keep the little propeller down there? Surely it's just to spite birds at that point.

August 1934
If enough propellers are smashed together at great speed, then propulsion is created.

Ah, we see: Because of the scientific property of propellers to be "really neat."

Well, if three propellers are good, then four propellers must be gooder:

February 1936
"I can't see a damn thing."

Yeah! That's so cool! Those two propellers in the back aren't even doing anything; they're totally free to just be awesome, all the time! Oh man, what if you could like flip a propeller sideways and make it really, really giant and-

August 1936

OK, somebody's either officially fucking with Popular Science, or their new tech editor that year was Mark Twain.

W-what the bouncing fuck? Planes were already a thing! They flew through the air just like that -- way better, in fact, because they weren't being weighed down by a giant clown ball!

Although, let's be fair, look at the tagline: "Queer Vehicles Inventors Produce." Even in an era when they painstakingly illustrated serious, be-jawlined men flitting about on kite-sleds without the slightest hint of irony, Popular Science didn't buy this shit for a second.

We already know about the "more propeller" school of aircraft design, so we only have one question about this wholly unnecessary complication of the helicopter: Where does the person go? Is he crammed into that tiny box? Is this a battlecraft for Chinese acrobats or method acting mimes?

July 1935
Oh hey, we completed our PopSci bingo card.

When your aircraft needs four giant propellers and a balloon just to get airborne, maybe it's time to cut back on the wrought-iron metalwork, yeah?

February 1939
The previous issue had a giant floating wine bottle.

We're not even sure what to say about this one.

Does this even count as an attempt to reinvent the helicopter? Because as near as we can tell, this bright red bulb hot-glued to a corkscrew is only staying aloft through the magic of Christmas Cheer. Was this ever a theory -- that if you could just spin a wine opener fast enough, you could hover? Because that sounds less like aeronautical science and more like a mean trick to play on drunk people at parties. We swear to God, if that was anybody else piloting this thing, we would write it off entirely.

But that's clearly Nikola Tesla in there, so we guess we'll just go ahead and start reading up for the written portion of our magic corkscrew license test.

Once described as a "more cynical version of Stephen Fry," you can find more deconstructive criticism from Adam on subjects such as how to save men's fashion and what your children will all (probably) want to be when they grow up at his site. You can also read the rest of his Cracked articles here.

For more ridiculous predictions, check out 18 Hilarious Modes of Transport Science Gave Up On Too Soon and 6 Insanely Awesome Things The 1900s Thought We'd Have by Now.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out Proof That 'Demolition Man' Was a Visionary Film