Meanwhile, cities like London have installed talking crosswalk signals at intersections to catch their attention. Hell, these are accommodations you'd normally associate with blindness -- you literally have to treat text-focused walkers as if they have lost their very eyes. Only they don't have other senses heightened to compensate.

Our nation's capital has even ramped up jaywalking tickets as a way to curb these blind digital locusts. In Indiana, a woman just plum fell 6 feet off of a pier.

"Drowning, lol."

As of yet, there hasn't been a true walking-while-texting risk study. But we know that in 2008, over 1,000 pedestrians visited emergency rooms as a result of texting or chatting away on the phone while strolling down the street. And the trend just keeps spiraling upward. It's gotten so bad, there is now an app that can show the ground for you, so you don't have to worry about pesky things like oncoming people and walls and such.

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Because the solution to this problem couldn't possibly be "slightly less texting."

And yes, people are dying from this. In a parking garage in Melbourne, a teen plunged seven stories down after walking over the safety barriers mid-text. A man in LA was hit by a semi truck while texting. One could surmise that this problem could be so bad, a texter could walk right into a bear and not even know it. Oh, hey, that totally happened:

Say what you want about the huge cabinet TVs of your childhood, but it was damned hard to push one of those things over. They weighed like 200 pounds, and they were wide at the base. If you ever found somebody injured in front of one, it was almost certainly an attack by the Ring girl.

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We've been told by Sony that all old TVs have a scary girl trapped inside of them, so go buy a Bravia, we guess.

But now everybody has these huge flat-panel TVs, either mounted on walls or on silly, unstable, H.R. Giger-inspired stands. And they are straight up falling on our kids.

In 2007, near the beginning of the HD boom, 17,000 kids were rushed to the ER after "heavy or unstable furniture" fell on them. Now, while some of them can be attributed to rogue ottomans, the fact is that this was a 41 percent increase since 1990, and half were from falling TVs.

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The others were from suspiciously nudged TVs.

When sitting on a stand, these thin, heavy machines have a seriously low center of gravity, making them into cartoon anvils waiting to happen. The technology being the way it is, almost all the weight of the newer TVs is placed in the front of the unit (in the heavy, thick panel of glass), making them a ticking, toppling time bomb waiting to engulf your loved ones in a shower of sparks and broken glass. Yes, people have died this way.

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THEY COME.

As for the wall-mounted ones, keep in mind, most people doing the mounting haven't had much do-it-yourself experience other than programming universal remotes and fixing the bouncy thing in the back of the toilet. "Who cares if the wall mounts are drilled into plaster instead of the stud? It's not like we're going to be climbing on the damned thing!" But kids are, in fact, natural climbers. And when they attempt to scale Mount Bravia, disaster usually unfolds.

Congress has even brought the issue to attention, proposing safety mandates in 2005. And again in 2007. It was shot down both times, presumably because senators just get a case of the gut-busting belly laughs when imagining children being enveloped in the slaughter-hug of a Samsung.

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"Intense research has shown that sizable bribes, not children, are our future."

The type of particulates and nature of risk fluctuated with each type of printer, and scientists aren't completely sure why. Scientists believe it's a mix of the age of the printer and how the lasers work with the toner cartridge, and also some science and stuff. Whatever it is, it's proven that laser printers contribute to a five-fold increase in particulates during workday hours. While the home office isn't as busy as a functioning workplace office, it could be worse still, due to a more closed environment and poor ventilation. It's just you and your printer, sitting there, sharing its powder farts.

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"That wasn't me ... that was, uh, Ted."

In a study conducted from 2004 to 2009, they found about 700 injuries stemming from video games that were severe enough to require medical attention. And get this: The motion-based games only accounted for 13 percent of them. The rest, mostly finger, hand and wrist ailments, were from traditional "sit 'n' press buttons" game play. We're just shocked that this many patients were willing to admit that to a doctor.

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"The doctors say you've suffered severe pwnage to both of your arms. They want to amputate."

Now, 700 might not sound like a huge injury toll considering how many people play games, but if we had had to guess at how many people had injured themselves sitting completely motionless and tapping thumb buttons, we'd have figured a dozen at most.

Not that motion gaming is off the hook here -- it has led to a whole other category of injuries of their own. In the first full year of motion gaming, from 2007 to 2008, injuries from video games immediately rose 214 percent. Most of these were from overexertion or being whacked with the remote. But it doesn't stop there. While you wouldn't even think of real bowling as a sport that could injure you unless you dropped the ball on your foot, the completely ball-less Wii Sports bowling has led to multiple cases of patellar injury and even early onset carpal tunnel.

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Wii Shanking has to be the worst culprit.

Meanwhile, the Wii Fit balance board has caused numerous ruptured Achilles tendon injuries. The Kinect sports titles have resulted in tons of ailments, including bursitis and tendon and ligament inflammation. This is what happens when older people, and normally sedentary gamers, are all of a sudden flitting around the room. Nobody is warming up first or wearing shoes made for exercise, and they're quite frankly not used to the motions. And, because it's all happening in a game, they probably figure there's no way they can really injure themselves throwing an imaginary ball.

But at least motion games are getting us in shape, right? Actually, no. While gamers suffer the kind of injury the athletes of the world put up with, they're not getting the benefits. In one motion gaming study, it was discovered that kids who owned motion games didn't, on the whole, get any more exercise than the ones who played the "sit and stare at the screen" variety.

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It was discovered that executives who play motion games are 80 percent more likely to look like tools in bad suits.

And, if you're a PC gamer who took a break from playing World of Warcraft on your laptop to read this article, we have even worse news ...