In addition, a number of prominent newsmen who had taken oaths of secrecy had agreed to accompany the president to the relocation site of his choosing and lend their familiar names and faces to help calm the surviving audience.
According to an interview with former CBS president Frank Stanton obtained by the Cold War-crazed website CONELRAD in 2004, these PSAs not only "absolutely" existed, but Eisenhower had more than one of them made. PSAs were recorded not only by Arthur Godfrey but also by Edward R. Murrow, which more or less guarantees that part of the country's contingency plan for nuclear holocaust included smoking lots and lots of Chesterfield cigarettes.
"And now a word from our sponsors ..."
The Most Chilling Part:
We're guessing the part that went "the country has come under nuclear attack," since this was essentially the ending for humanity Terminator 3 was preparing us for all along.
"This ends the portion of history where you remain alive."
What Hearing It Would Have Meant:
Assuming you possessed the foresight to hide things out in a lead-lined fridge, that you had just been cast as either "Man," "Boy" or Guy Pearce in The Road.
Jacopo della Quercia is the author of "Go @#$% Yourself!" -- An Ungentlemanly Disagreement, by Filippo Argenti, and another book that he really does plan on finishing one of these days.
For more terrifying what if's you'll be glad never came to pass, check out 5 Backup Plans That Would Have Changed Modern History and 6 Terrifying Emergency Escape Pods (That Aren't Worth It).
And stop by LinkSTORM to aid you in your Thanksgiving fast.
And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.
Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infograpic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!