In 2014, Chelsi Camp was pet-sitting for a family friend when the dog abruptly transformed from panting doofus into small-child shredder. Camp decided to fight back with the only weapons that nature granted to us pitiful humans: her fists and teeth. This wasn't Queen's Rules boxing, either: At one point, Chelsi bit off the dog's goddamn ear. After it finally released her daughter, Camp continued the attack by punching it in the throat ... from the inside. She rammed her fist down its mouth, hopefully while snarling "eat me."
Chelsi Camp / Facebook
Real-life superheroes should be required to quip as much as the made-up ones.
Camp's daughter was taken to the hospital and survived her injuries, as did Camp herself. To this day, she remains the Undisputed International Mom vs. Dog Champion.