This mystery gunman wasn't the only felon who invested time in CPR training. One crook was in the middle of robbing a Titusville Circle K when he noticed that the clerk was outside, dying of a heart attack. The robber rendered life-saving aid to the clerk and then beat feet with his ill-gotten gains. Police are currently seeking out the man to "give him a reward."
For whatever reason, Titusville Circle Ks seem to be a magnet for this sort of thing. Just days later, a woman pulled into a different Circle K with her 59-year-old husband, who was unconscious and not breathing. While the clerk dialed 911, an anonymous good Samaritan began performing CPR. He kept on the dying man until emergency services arrived, at which point he snatched the woman's purse and drove off into the sunset.
Pimp Catches Child Molester
Chris Johnson, Phoenix area pimp and velvet hat aficionado, was listening in on a microphone worn by one of his girls when he heard something that made him angry. Pimp angry.
A pimp's anger is nearly as terrible to behold as his friendship.
The man on the other end of the mic, a guy hilariously named Dell Rainbow Vanderschuit, had offered to pay $1,500 for a threesome between himself, the hooker and a 10-year-old girl. Johnson's immediate impulse was to grab a friend and go shoot Dell Rainbow in the face, but he thought better of it and instead flagged down the nearest police officer, who was actually conducting a traffic stop at the time. Busting a child molester is one of those rare things that unites everyone, so the cops were more than happy to work with the pimptastic Chris Johnson to track down Dell Rainbow.
"A child molester, you say? Lead the way, good sir pimp!"
After a little police work and (we hope) at least one wacky montage of Johnson teaching detectives how to walk with a cane and platform shoes, the authorities brought Dell Rainbow Vanderschuit in on child prostitution.
Phoenix New Times
He's named like a pimp and he looks like the IT guy.
But all isn't well for Chris Johnson. While he wasn't charged with any crime, he was upset by the news coverage. He now claims that he was not, in fact, a pimp, but was just keeping tabs on a friend who happened to be a prostitute. It's worth noting that his first response to the news site that labeled him a pimp was to threaten to "come down there and slap the shit out everyone I see," which we admit doesn't at all sound like something a pimp would say.