Queenless Ants Kill for Chastity
Dinoponera quadriceps is an unusual species of "queenless" bullet ant, forming small colonies of just a couple dozen females who attract flying males when they're ready to mate -- males who might be better off finding themselves a nice lonely widow spider or bark scorpion or maybe a windshield to sex up.
Dammit Jim! I'm a biologist, not a...
There are actually a number of male insects who prevent competition from future males by just never ever pulling out. They lodge themselves in there and tag along wherever she goes, which our Southern readers may have observed in swarms of "lovebugs."
"We don't use protection, either!"
This seems like another dick move, but it's actually beneficial to the female as well, sparing her harassment from an endless chain of additional suitors. In queenless ants, the real dick move comes from the female. She doesn't want to keep getting hassled by guys, but she doesn't want to drag a guy around by his junk all day either. So, she chews his ass in half and leaves him behind to die, carrying his rotten crotch around to let everybody know she's spoken for. Hey, it's not her fault he was too cheap for a ring.
"Suddenly, joining the clergy doesn't sound all that bad."
Find more from Jonathan at bogleech.com.
For more bizarre sexual acts out of Mother Nature, check out 5 Animals That Can Do Amazing Things ... With Their Penises and The 15 Most Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals.
And stop by LinkSTORM wash your brain clean of the horror you just read. (Just kidding -- it only gets worse from here.)
And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.
Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infograpic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!